Cycle 2/ Phase 1/ Day 41

Feeling good today.  Stopped the drops last night.  I remember this day the last cycle.  I wondered when I would get hungry.  I was sure that I would get hungry the very next morning.  I wasn't though.  Wasn't that a surprise?!  So, this time around i'm not so surprised that I'm not hungry.  I remember everyone saying that, "you'll just know" when it's time.  Very true.  It was about on the third day when I started feeling hungry.  When I say hungry, I felt like I was in the cartoon of the two people on an island.  The one looks like a hot dog and the other looks like a chicken leg.  Well, on that third day, my poor 4 year old started looking like the hot dog.  It's nice being able to add back in the foods, but sometimes it's also scary.  I think this is when people doubt that they can keep the weight off.  This is where people that say this program doesn't work, don't have success.  You just have to go slow.  Add a little at a time.  I think the hardest thing for me on the program was just that I didn't eat breakfast.  It's not as bad this cycle.  Last cycle was a struggle.  Last cycle was a struggle on it's own.  Emotional and physical.  I feel like I'm healing though.  It's amazing that a weight loss journey can turn into an emotional one.  A journey of losing and an journey of healing.  What more can you ask for?  Healing.

Cycle 2/ Phase 1/ Day 40

TToday is the last day of my drops!  I'm excited!  Soon begins Phase 2.  I hope I do better than last time.  Well, Phase 2 went well last time, it was Phase 3 that was tough.  This time I really need to work on the emotional part of the eating.  I didn't eat a whole lot of junk, but I think I did eat more often than was necessary.  Fortunately I didn't gain until the last day or two.  I don't have much to say today.  I just wanted to update with a before and after picture!  Oh.  I started at 234.5 and am at 194.6.

                                        

                                            

                                                       This is Cycle 1/ Day 
                                      





                                      

                                                 

                                           This is Cycle 2/ Day 40 (last day)

I still have a long way to go, but dang!  I'm proud of what I've done so far!  I'm almost able to shop off the rack.  I'm having to give clothes away now.  It's nice.  I plan to stay this way for a long time.

Cycle 2/ Phase 1/ Day 39

I haven't been blogging everyday I know.  It's been a little busy lately.  So, I am so excited!  I hit my first goal!  40 lbs loss!  That was my goal 20 lbs per cycle.  So, I've averaged 20 lbs per cycle.   I can't believe how far I've come since Feb 26!  I was 234.5 when I started.  I'm 195.3 now!  That is still heavy I know.  I'll get there.  All my worrying about whether or not this program was legit.  Is it a placebo?  Is it really just a starvation diet?  Well, NO to both of those.  If it was a starvation diet, I would be hungry.  I would look sick.  I wouldn't feel good at all.  I wouldn't say I'm bouncing off the walls with energy, but I also have a 4 year old and I am a night owl and she isn't.  I'm embarrassed to say that last year I was squeezing into an airline seat.  I had a hard time at a hockey game.  I felt like I was stuck.  I was miserable.  I hoped none of my friends noticed when I didn't want to get up and go anywhere.  This year won't be that way.  I have to fly in August and I don't think it will be the same experience.  I'm not sure I'm losing in my outer thighs as much, but I'm sure I am.  I'm much more comfortable sleeping.  I also just realized as I am typing that I'm not having any sleep apnea instances.  I have been sleeping on my back, though I prefer my belly.  My leg doesn't hurt anymore.  I'm just so excited.  I'm under 200!  It's been a while.  Good to see you again my friend!  There are some things I've learned about going out to eat.  It may be embarrassing to carry your own salad dressing, but at least you'll know for sure what you're getting.  I have also been known to carry my own grilled chicken.  I sauté my own chicken in chicken broth.  No fat.  It may be embarrassing and maybe even rude to the cook, but I do order something from their menu.  I'll order a plain Jane salad.  The rest I bring.  Today I'm supposed to go out to eat with my sister for her birthday.  Will I eat there?  NO!  Not because of where it is actually, but because it will be after 1:30 and I just can't wait that long.  Neither can my daughter.  Anyway... Weight loss.  I have no insights today.  I'm just happy!  OH!  I became a distributer for Young Living.  I became one because I use their products so much.  I'm pretty sure I'm getting out of Scentsy the end of June.  I'm just tired of it.  I love the product, but I'm just not into it.  I'm just not a salesperson.  So, the end of June will be my last month.  Well, I better get going.  Today is my Sister's, Father-in-law's and a friend's birthday! Busy, busy!

Cycle 2/ Phase 1/ Day 37

Ups and Downs.. Ups and Downs..  That's what life is full of it seems.  Not just with my weight, which is mostly what this blog is about, but just life in general.  I'm going to break from my normal weight loss talk today.  I hate it when I feel impatient.  I really do.  Today I just felt so impatient though.  Tonight, I just had enough with little R and just told her to go to bed.  Of course that crushed her feelings.  Nothing she did was her fault either.  She's not even 4 yet.  I have stuff all over the place because I'm trying to de-clutter.  So, she's just got to be in the middle of it all!  I know I could have taken it all out yesterday, but I didn't.  On top of that I sell Scentsy and I got an order in yesterday.  It had tons of paper in it.  She has strewn that all over the living room.  I just feel too tired to do anything about it.  I have to though.  I have to clean the house.  I have a home check on the 31st that I'm nervous about.  It's for a stinkin dog!  We're going through a rescue group and they do home checks.  That's totally fine, but I'm so nervous!  You'd think I was adopting a kid.  My house is a complete disaster!  I'm not kidding.  Really!  I'm not one of those type A's that say that and the only thing wrong is a pillow on the couch is out of place.  I'm serious.  My daughter's room is about the most dangerous room in the house.  You step on a block and you'll be lame for days.  Hopefully, that will be a room we can avoid.  My bedroom looks like the dryer exploded in it.  The clothes are clean!  For real!  They just don't like being in my closet.  I think they're claustrophobic. Then, my "guest/school/craft" room.  Sigh.... That's where we are going to put the kennel.  The only thing I can say that is good about my house right now is that there are no dirty dishes in the sink, and my yard is safe.  OH!  Then I found out that hubster may be coming home early.  That's good and bad.  I'd love for him to be home, but the money we make when he's gone was going to really help with a down payment on a house and car.  So, dang it!  Stupid countries having issues.  I miss him though, I really do.  Sigh.. ups and downs... today is a down day.

Well, an up is that I do feel good about this cycle.  I'm super close to making my goal.  I may not, and that will still be ok. (I won't lie, I'll be a little disappointed.)  However, I do feel like I've made some progress in other areas.  Have we talked about the body as a temple thing yet?  I can never remember what I write.  Anyway.. I just hope that God is looking at my work and saying "Good work!"  I thought for sure I talked about this.  Maybe I imagined what I was going to write or maybe I chickened out.

I just realized what it came from...

 I love my path more though.  I love my goal and I love knowing that I'm not just working on my weight, but my heart and my brain.  These things are temporary.  Life is just temporary.  If our body is really a temple, then what sort of  temple have I been keeping?  So, right now, I'm cleaning this temple.  I'm getting rid of the old things.  I'm selling off the junk.  I'm going to start new.  I'm renovating.  That's all that I can do right now.  I won't do well everyday, but my heart is there.  I'll always come back.  Now that I know I can, I will.  So, that's what this program has done for me.  


This was in an email that I wrote to Vicki.  Oh man!  She's been amazing.  I think we have so much in common.  I don't think she even knows.  That's my up.  Having the support I do.  Knowing that things are temporary.  Learning to be optimistic again.  That's been hard for me lately.  I love my life, but some days I just want to run away.  I haven't been feeling very faithful lately.  I just have felt sort of like God left me to figure things out.  He's very gentle to me right now, and that's how I need it to be.  By very gentle, I mean bringing me back in very small ways.  My daughter found my little picture bible from when I was her age.  Every day she wants me to read it.  I have to read several stories.  They make me uncomfortable for some reason, but very slowly I'm feeling my faith return.  I appreciate that He knows how to handle me.  I guess he would since he made me.  I'm thankful for him introducing me to Tom and Vicki.  They also happen to share the same faith.  I'll get there again.  Probably not this week, but eventually.  


You thought this blog was going to be about weight loss.  Well this is part of it.  Getting rid of the emotional triggers to your food addiction.  It can be very emotional and stressful.  I'm thankful though.  I want a WHOLE new me.  Not just a new body, but a new mind and spirit too.  So, this is me.  You want to know my weight loss?  Nothing.  I gained 0.4 today.  Not pleased, but not discouraged either.  I know I'll get there.  I KNOW I will.  So, I'm ok.  

Cycle 2/ Phase 1/ Day 36

Today was a good loss day.  I'm actually pretty close to the goal I had in mind for this cycle.  This cycle has actually been great.  I thought 40 days was going to be so long.  I thought it would just drag by and I'd dread it.  It's actually been good though.  So, I'm almost done with the drops and ready for phase 2.  This time I'm going to have to change a few things.  I really like the recipes that I've been using.  In fact, I think I eat the same two things all the time.  I'm like that though.  I'm not the type that needs a whole lot of variety.  I don't have a lot of insight today.  Nothing special.  I was at a function last night and it was a little difficult because I wanted I didn't want to be rude, but being on this portion of the cycle I was not about to ruin my diet.  So at first I had them heat up my food, but then at the last minute I was able to find something that I could eat.  They grilled some chicken for me and gave me a plain salad with apples and tomatoes.  Wasn't that perfect?!  I realized that I really can eat every where I'd like to.  I just have to be super specific about how they cook things.  Anyway... I don't have much time to chat.  I have a very sad baby right now.  So, my loss for today is  -1.2 so I'm at 196.8!  Yay!

Cycle 2/ Phase 1/ Day 33

I was talking to a friend today about addictions.  With alcoholism and drug addiction, you may always be tempted, but you never have to touch it again.  (I have a parent that had addictions that's why I feel free to say this.)  With food addictions though, it seems so much harder.  The very thing you use to self medicate or feel better or cope with situations is also the very thing you need to survive.  That is the hardest thing!  This is my second cycle.  I've lost 35 lbs on it.  I've haven't consciously worked on my food issues, but I think that everyday I work on them a little more.  I have little successes that help me to build my confidence.  It helps me to use food as FUEL not as a tool for my emotions or boredom.  How amazing is that!  When I step back, and am very honest with myself I realize I have ALWAYS had issues with my weight.  I keep saying to myself that it's just been the past few years.  I think that made me feel better.  It was as if saying that made it a little better.  I remember though being 12 and being the little fat girl.  I remember because I have pictures of me at a christmas recital and all the other little girls were normal and healthy.  I remember coming home and letting myself in and having an oatmeal cream pie.  Maybe I'd have a couple or maybe I'd have a swiss cake roll or two.  I'd hide them to eat them later.  (Those two things are still my two favorite junk foods.)  When I got older, I got busier and then there were boys.  When I was in the Air Force, I was paranoid about my weight because though I was 130+ that was right at the cut off for me being in the weight program.  I'm short, but 130 on me doesn't look bad.  I was also in an incredibly stressful school, so I controlled my eating by not eating or by purging and... well... you know.  So, this has always been an issue.  Why am I just now realizing it?!  I don't know, but I'm glad I did.

Last night I responded on Facebook to some post.  I can't remember how it started.  I responded with something one of my Teamdau mentors said.  I told her that lately I say this to myself. "Sam.  What will give you more peace?  Cheating and having that (fill in the blank) or following the program?  Will you be happy with the results?  Are you prepared to deal with the consequences?  How will you feel tomorrow when you step on the scale?  What if you gain?"  Yes, sometimes it's a very long conversation with myself when I'm looking at my daughters waffle fries from Chick Fil A (or however you spell it.)  In march I had that conversation when I decided to go out with a friend and have a couple of drinks.  Sometimes it's worth it.  It was totally worth it to go out with my friend.  If I had gained weight, I would have been ok with that.  So, I don't deny myself anymore!  I don't struggle with knowing I "can't" have something.  I can...If I want to deal with what may happen.  Most of the time I don't.  So, then I don't get upset.  Over time it's become easier and easier.  I don't have to ask myself those questions as much anymore.  In fact, most of the time it's meal time and I feel inconvenienced.  "Didn't I JUST eat?"  Eating is a chore now.  It's something I have to do because it's good for my body.  Now, the next two phases my brain will switch over and probably I'll struggle again.  Just like anything though, practice makes perfect.  This has been the best thing for me.  I am so glad that I stumbled on this program.  I'm so glad that in Feb. I googled 90lbs in 9 months.  I wasn't sure it was possible.  I'm still not sure I'll make the 90.  I don't care about that anymore.  Last cycle, I struggled with it.  The end of this cycle I will be anxious to start again.

If you are AT ALL wanting to lose weight.. a little or a lot, you should give this program a go.  You have nothing to lose but pounds!  Nothing!  It's an affordable program.  This program at a doctor's office can start at $700 for a 40 day cycle.  I did see some other lower prices, but they didn't look reputable.  There's a doc here in Fayetteville that does it.  I have been thinking about using him to be honest.  The thing is, what I'm doing now is working!  The support is amazing!  Why change?  So, take a look around.  Do some homework.  Look up Dr. Simeons Protocol.  Then, take a look at Tom and Vicki's site and their program.  They use a homeopathic Hcg program.  Most of you reading this blog know me in person.  If you are reading this and you don't know me, I just encourage you to do some homework.  Use Tom and Vicki's program.  They're legit and the support they give is just amazing.  I've heard someone say that someone they knew just gained it all back.  I truly believe that without a support system on this program and without proper preparation you will not succeed.  So, let us be your support. It's hard to get started.  Once you get started though, you'll feel motivated to continue.


With that!   My loss for today.... None :-(  LOL!  Just one of my weekly stalls.  For me this is normal.  Most people don't have to deal with this though.  So, +0.6 today.  I'm at 199.8.  No worries!  I'm still under 200.  I won't gain again tomorrow, so I'm not worried.  I may not lose, but that's ok too.  My week seems to go like this.  Lose over a pound or more, gain a tiny bit, stay the same, stay the same, stay the same.... Lose big again.  So, I'm not worried!  After all... Tomorrow is another day!

Cycle 2/ Phase 1/ Day 32

8 days more on the drops then I'm done with Phase 1!  I can't wait to see what it will be like by the end of this phase.  I'm hoping for 194.  We'll see about that.  I'm not sure what else I could do to make me more successful.  I've been working pretty hard.  I did finally lose more than a pound today.  The past few days have been super slow.  SUPER slow!  That was a super long and strange stall.  I would lose .2, .4 for a few days and not have a good loss after.  Even today's loss isn't that big considering the small amount and the no loss days I had.  Oh well!  I'm under 200!!!  That's a huge accomplishment.  I think it's been a while since I've been there.  I've lost 35.3 lbs total for both cycles and 20.3 on this one alone.  So, it's still a success and better than I have done before.  After this phase I'll be maintaining that weight until after July!  That's going to be my challenge.  I will be in Phase 3 for several weeks.  That means I'll be eating anything and everything I want, but have to maintain my weight +/- 2lbs.  So, I'm a little nervous about that part.  The good thing, is that even at Disney we'll be walking around a lot and I probably won't gain much if any.   Ok, well I have some pressing iTunes issues right now.

-1.6 today   199.2

Cycle 2/ Phase 1/ Day 30

I've got about 10 more days on the drops.  Hopefully, things will start to pick up a little.  I've had quite a long stall this time.  It seems like last time I'd have stalls then a nice big loss.  This time though, I'll have a stall and then a tiny loss.  So, I'm not sure what's going on.  I definitely won't be content if I don't get below 200.  I'm sure that will happen, but I'm just feeling impatient.  I'm also feeling impatient because of other things in my life.  Maybe tomorrow will be a huge loss day and I'll have been worked up for nothing.  So, the loss for today is -0.4.  That brings me to exactly 201.  My goal after being under 200, is to get to 150.  Hopefully I'll be there by November or December.  Right now my rate of loss is 0.6.  I guess that's not as bad as I thought.  So my average is over 0.5 which is the minimum per day that I should be losing.  So, at 0.6 per day for all of these cycles, which could be 4, I could maybe lose 87lbs!  That would put me right at 150 or less.  So, I'll try to have a little more patience.  That's a very hard thing for me!

Cycle 2/ Phase 1/ Day 29

Have I ever mentioned how much I really hate stalls?  I'm just wondering.  Today there was a little loss, but still not enough to make me happy.  0.4 loss.  That's it.  These stalls started right after I got to Augusta.  It seems so far into the phase to be happening, but I suppose it will all work out.  I think I'm just feeling super impatient right now.  I'm so close to being below 200.  I haven't been that way in ages.  I was just looking at videos of myself today from 3 years ago.  That was not very fun.  I can't wait for the day to come that I feel ok looking at myself.  Let me show you a before and a during real quick.  I don't remember if I posted this yet.

This is Cycle 1/ Phase 1/ Day 1

Cycle 2/ Phase 1/ Day 26

(I know the angle is a little off)

I can tell a difference now in looks anyway.  I also noticed that some of my clothes fit a little better.  I can't find the photo I really want to show, but here's a face shot with the same shirt.  A year apart.  I miss the tan, but I was in Hawaii for a few months last year this time.

                      

May 2010                         

May 2011

I don't know if you can tell a difference but I can.  Anyway.... It's working for me.  I've lost about 40lbs since my husband left.  33lb with this program alone.  So, I'm very excited!  I'm not going to get discouraged.  Every little bit helps!

Cycle 2/ Phase 1/ Day 28

Here we go again with the stalls.  They are the most aggravating things in the world to me.  It really messes with my head.  It seems to have started when I left, which I'm sure is just a coincidence but it makes me feel like that may be part of the reason.  I'm going to look into my physical activity.  I don't think I'm doing anything out of the ordinary like I was last week.  I'm drinking my water and eating how I should and taking my vitamins.  So, I suppose it's just a stall.  I still hate it.  I was really hoping that I would be below or right at 200 today.  I'm so close.  I really hope I meet my goal.  I think I feel this way each cycle about this time.  I remember thinking last time that I could probably lose weight just as fast or faster if I worked out like a crazy lady.  That's probably true, but I have to keep reminding myself that my goal is quality not quantity.  It's also about permanence instead of doing something that's going to require such high maintenance.  I like being physical and doing work, but I know that I'm never going to be able to keep up going to the gym.  I feel like whatever you do to lose the weight is what you'll have to do to keep it off.  Do you agree?  So, if you slave away in the gym to lose weight, then you'll always have to go to the gym just to keep it off.  Well, with this program we're resetting the hypothalamus, so when it's done it's done.  All I'll do, is make sure I'm only eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I'm full.  Nothing is off limits though!  I'll never have to feel guilty for eating anything ever again.  These are the things that get me through these stalls.  I don't like them, but at least they aren't as frequent as last time.  I'm also still going to go the full 40 days on the drops, no matter how many stalls.  Still at the rate I'm going I'll have lost a little over 25lbs this cycle alone!  So, I could be at 194 by the end of this phase.  I would definitely be pleased with that.  Of course I want it as low as possible, but I will take what I can get especially since this is the only thing that has worked for me.  Just think... only a couple of months ago I was considering bariatric surgery!  So glad I found Tom and Vicki!

One more thing about the heartburn

I haven't had any this cycle.  So, I guess it was a fluke.  I'm taking both the vitamins and probiotics still.  Glad that's over, because it was driving me nuts!

Cycle 2/ Phase 1/ Day 27

Today was a bit disappointing.  I've been doing well, and I can see now that I'm having the same stalls that happened last cycle.  I won't complain though.  If I do my average for weight loss beginning with this phase then it averages 0.65, which is the same as last time.  If I do it from when I actually started losing on day 6 (because of my 4 load days,) then my average is 0.84.  I want my average to be 0.8-1, but I can't just make my body do it.  I'm hoping that by thinking very positively things will change.  Haa!  Either way, I'm not discouraged like last cycle.  I can see the weight actually coming off.  This program really does work and everyday I see proof.  It's small things.  Some days I actually feel lighter.  Some days I feel like my shoes feel better because my heels don't hurt.  Last week I tried on several pairs of sandals and didn't feel like my feet looked like sausages.  I can look down at the numbers at the scale without sucking in.  My face is clearing up again.  It was starting to look pretty bumpy at the end of the last cycle.  I was eating crap again though.  That's a different post.  My joints don't hurt like they did.  The Biggest thing that I have noticed is that my leg doesn't hurt.  I never really told anyone about it.  When I was pregnant I would have pain down one side of my leg.  I thought it was because of a nerve or something.  It happened a lot more the heavier I got.  Well, I haven't felt it at all since I started losing.  AT ALL!  Well, I know what you're 'weighting' for!  LOL!

2/26- 234.5   4/21-219.5    5/16- 201.8


My first goal is 150.  I'd like to be there by the time Russ gets home.  My ultimate goal is 130.  I'll get there!

Cycle 2/ Phase 1/ Day 24

I've been an absentee blogger.  We got back from Savannah yesterday.  It was a great trip.  I had a blast and I don't think either of us were ready to come home.  I am glad to be back though.  My weight should get back to normal now.  I gained a pound (as you'll see below) even though I didn't cheat and I just had a hard time.  I think it had to do with water.  I wasn't able to drink as much.  Things are back to normal now though.  Fortunately when we go to Disney I'll be in phase 3.  I'm happy though.  I'm almost under the 200 mark!  That's huge!  I started at 234 or 236.  I'll have to go back and look.  Before that I weighed even more.  I was 242 at one point.  That was right when Russ left.  I don't have a lot to update at the moment.  I'm actually pretty tired.

My current weight is 202.6.  I lost 1.2 lbs from yesterday.  Finally!  This week didn't produce the numbers I wanted for the week, but really they're right on target at 0.54 lbs a day.  It should be 0.5 - 1 lb a day.  So, I guess that's ok.  Hopefully this week will be much better numbers though.  I'm really hoping to be closer to 0.8-1 lb a day.  That would get me closer to my over all goal.

DATE	CYCLE DAY	WEIGHT	DAILY LOSS	THIS CYCLE	TO DATE
Apr 21, 2011	1	219.5	0	0	15
Apr 22, 2011	2	219.5	0	0	15
Apr 23, 2011	3	221.5	+2	+2	13
Apr 24, 2011	4	219	2.5	0.5	15.5
Apr 25, 2011	5	219.6	+0.6	+0.1	14.9
Apr 26, 2011	6	218.8	0.8	0.7	15.7
Apr 27, 2011	7	216.6	2.2	2.9	17.9
Apr 28, 2011	8	215.0	1.6	4.5	19.5
Apr 29, 2011	9	214	1	5.5	20.5
Apr 30, 2011	10	213.2	0.8	6.3	21.3
May 1, 2011	11	213	0.2	6.5	21.5
May 2, 2011	12	211.8	1.2	7.7	22.7
May 3, 2011	13	209.8	2	9.7	24.7
May 4, 2011	14	208.8	1	10.7	25.7
May 5, 2011	15	208.8	0	10.7	25.7
May 6, 2011	16	207.6	1.2	11.9	26.9
May 7, 2011	17	206.4	1.2	13.1	28.1
May 8, 2011	18	206.2	0.2	13.3	28.3
May 9, 2011	19	205.4	0.8	14.1	29.1
May 10, 2011	20	205	0.4	14.5	29.5
May 11, 2011	21	202.8	2.2	16.7	31.7
May 12, 2011	22	203.8	+1	15.7	30.7
May 13, 2011	23	203.8	0	15.7	30.7
May 14, 2011	24	202.6	1.2	16.9	31.9

cycle 2/ Phase 1/ Day 21

Today was a big shock when I stepped on the scale.  I wasn't having the stalls I was last time, but it has been a little slower than when I started.  I'm not too worried.  I'm glad to be over with the first cycle.  It's nice to know what to expect.  The hardest part has been being on vacation and not eating out.  I think tomorrow we're going to Bonefish.  Raleigh really wants to go, so I promised her we would.  I may cheat a little and have Salmon or Tuna instead of a white fish.  I don't know.  Maybe they'll have a healthy white fish dish.  That would be great!  If not, then I'll just do a grilled chicken salad.  Well, I'm going to get off here.  I'm supposed to be vacationing.  We have a big day planned tomorrow.  We have a carriage ride scheduled.  That should be really fun!  I have never seen the historic parts of Savannah.  We did Tybee Island today and I tried so hard to keep up with water intake.  That was hard.  Anyway.... Here's the latest...

                         Cycle Day       Weight           Daily Loss    Total for cycle      To date 

May 11, 2011

22

202.8

2.2

16.7

31.7