Cycle 2/Phase 2/ Day 11 & 12

Have you ever noticed that when you remove one addiction you just replace it with another?  Well, I have to admit that I'm struggling right now.  I definitely have some emotional food habits I need to deal with.  I think it's more than food though.  It's boredom and habit.  I'm also staying up later.  I want to take a break from technology for a while.  I like journaling though.  I'm not sure how much restraint I'll have to keep journaling, but not do anything else on the internet.  I'd like to stop everything.  Cut the tv, phones and internet off.  I feel like I need something simpler.  I want to live on some land and just be able to play with R outside.  I don't feel like I can do that now.  I feel like I'm stuck in this tornado.  So, I've started meditating again.  I swear, when I move, the tv is going down in the basement and the computer too.  I just want to travel with R and teach her that way.  I don't want to be stuck inside anymore.  I'm feeling claustrophobic.  What does this all have to do with my 90 in 9?  I think that losing weight and changing these habits have changed a lot of things.  My emotional issues are definitely coming to the front.  This is the part of the cycle that's the hardest.  Phase 1 I think you're so focused on just making it through, that you don't have time to think about what got you there.  Adding foods back in and not being on a schedule forces you to think about your motivation and whether or not you're really hungry.  Ugh...  I'm struggling this time.  So, my addiction is a cigarette during R's nap and one at bedtime.  Then my other addiction has been the sugar free ice cream.  Sigh.....  So, I have a lot to do.  I need to do the Forgiveness meditation everyday for a while I think.  Maybe even several times a day.  I need to find something to do when I'm bored.  It just seems like I have no energy to get her ready to get out.  If I can start the day without tv and the computer, then my day goes slower.  I'm rambling right now because it's so late.  That's why this is a double post.  Time to go to bed.  Think of me though.  When you pray or meditate, think of me.

Cycle 2/ Phase 1/ Day 28

Here we go again with the stalls.  They are the most aggravating things in the world to me.  It really messes with my head.  It seems to have started when I left, which I'm sure is just a coincidence but it makes me feel like that may be part of the reason.  I'm going to look into my physical activity.  I don't think I'm doing anything out of the ordinary like I was last week.  I'm drinking my water and eating how I should and taking my vitamins.  So, I suppose it's just a stall.  I still hate it.  I was really hoping that I would be below or right at 200 today.  I'm so close.  I really hope I meet my goal.  I think I feel this way each cycle about this time.  I remember thinking last time that I could probably lose weight just as fast or faster if I worked out like a crazy lady.  That's probably true, but I have to keep reminding myself that my goal is quality not quantity.  It's also about permanence instead of doing something that's going to require such high maintenance.  I like being physical and doing work, but I know that I'm never going to be able to keep up going to the gym.  I feel like whatever you do to lose the weight is what you'll have to do to keep it off.  Do you agree?  So, if you slave away in the gym to lose weight, then you'll always have to go to the gym just to keep it off.  Well, with this program we're resetting the hypothalamus, so when it's done it's done.  All I'll do, is make sure I'm only eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I'm full.  Nothing is off limits though!  I'll never have to feel guilty for eating anything ever again.  These are the things that get me through these stalls.  I don't like them, but at least they aren't as frequent as last time.  I'm also still going to go the full 40 days on the drops, no matter how many stalls.  Still at the rate I'm going I'll have lost a little over 25lbs this cycle alone!  So, I could be at 194 by the end of this phase.  I would definitely be pleased with that.  Of course I want it as low as possible, but I will take what I can get especially since this is the only thing that has worked for me.  Just think... only a couple of months ago I was considering bariatric surgery!  So glad I found Tom and Vicki!

CHEATER, CHEATER, CHEATER!

Little R woke up from her nap in a bad mood.  I was going to make a steak, but she wanted to get out.  I knew then, that I was going to eat bad.  I didn't get the the restaurant and get tempted.  I knew that I wanted to be bad.... so, I was.  We ate at a Mexican place that I love.  I only ate a few chips, but the rest was soooooo fatty and cheesy.   Well, it felt that way.  I had a salad, but even that was not quite as healthy as a salad should be.  It was so good though.  If I gain (and I know I will) it will be so worth it.  If I gain over 4 lbs it may not be.  That's how much I'd have to gain for me to be 2+ over median.  So, hopefully that won't happen.  We'll see tomorrow!  Just felt like I should clear the air in the event I wake up and I'm back at my starting weight.  ;-)  Haa!  (Well, I wouldn't laugh then.)  OK, fingers crossed.

Cycle 1/Phase 2/Day 17

I have a feeling that this next phase is going to be tough.  This one hasn't been too tough.  I haven't had any cravings really and it hasn't been too hard to make good choices.  I usually make one bad choice a day though, just to balance the good. ;-)  I guess I'm worried to add back in carbs and sugar.  That opens a lot of naughty doors.  I could get in a lot of trouble.  My biggest hurdles are going to be wanting something salty and crunchy.  I haven't really had those cravings, but I also know I can't have them, so I haven't given it a second thought.  It's a few days away though, so hopefully I can just keep in mind how hard I've worked and what my goal is.

This is not the best quality picture.  I don't have any sort of editing software on my computer, which is a bummer because I have a mac.  Anyway... This is my goal, sort of.  My goal is to have a slimmer body of course, but also no double chin, and thinner arms and legs.  I'm muscular and always will be, so I know I'll never be supermodel thin.  So...  this is my goal for the end of November.  I have a copy of this on my fridge.  It's also on my desktop, so I don't forget my goal.



Weight: 217.5/-2

Cycle 1/Phase 2/Day 16

I'm still below the median by 3 pounds.  I'm trying today to eat more.  It's so strange to have this problem.  I'm not sure if it's for real or the scale.  I changed the battery because I was having some trouble with it.  I would weigh, but the numbers seemed off so I'd weigh again.  Sometimes if I weighed three times the weight would be different each time.  So, I changed the battery.  I hope this helps things.  Well gotta go!




Weight: 217.5/-3

Cycle 1/Phase 2/Day 15

Doing well.  I have a hard time with this phase, but not in the way I thought I would.  I thought I would have a hard time because I'd want to snack and munch.  The fact is, I am having the opposite problem.  You know when you hear those skinny people say, "Oh!  I totally forgot to eat!  I just got so busy."  I hate it when people say that!  I really do.  Drives me crazy.  I feel like they're just trying to make it seem as if they don't have any food issues and I must be low on will power.  You know what though?  I became one of those people!  What in the world?!  I have never  IN. MY. LIFE been able to say I forgot to eat.  Never!  Lately though, I have.  I think about it, then just don't do it.  My problem with this phase has not been gaining too much, but teetering right on the edge of the median.  I'm one toe over the low side.  Not that I couldn't stay up.  I'm just amazed at how much I do eat and not gain over the median.  This must be because my body has been reset.  It has to be!  So, I'm doing well.  I'm enjoying the excuse to eat whatever I'd like to eat.  I've even cheated a little here and there.  Not bad, but just little things off of R's plate.  Anyway...  This phase is almost over and I'll have a new challenge when I add the carbs and sugar back in.



Weight: 217.5/-3

Cycle 1/Phase 2/Day 13 & 14

I forgot to post yesterday!  Can you believe it!?!  Same weight for both days.  I've been so naughty and cheating every now and then.  I had a chip today, a crab rangoon a couple of days ago.  Little things like that.  It hasn't affected my weight, but I wonder if that's going to do anything to my future weight loss.  Guess I should put in a call to my sponsor.


Weight: -1.5 from median (217.5)

Cycle 1/Phase 2/Day 12

I didn't gorge yesterday, just ate naughty stuff.  Haa!  I gained 1lb back.  I still need to gain .5 so I'm back at -2.  Anyway... nothing much going on.  Tired as usual.  LOL!



217.5/-2.0

Cycle 1/Phase 2/Day 11

Oooopsie!  I'll figure this out one day.  I'm going to have to have an eating day.  Maybe I'll write more later.  Every morning I blog and every morning my kiddo acts as if I have never paid any attention to her.  She sleeps with me!  How can I not have paid any attention to her!  Sigh..



217.5/-3.5

Cycle 1/Phase 2/Day 10

Oh man!  I sooo cheated last night!  I had 1.5 crab rangoons and they were so yummy!  Fortunately there was no change on the scale.  Yay!  Well, my daughter is sick today, so I'm making this fast.



1.5 under median

Cycle 1/Phase 2/Day 9

Nothing new to report.  Well, maybe one thing.  I was doing a bit of calculating and I realized that the end of Cycle 1 and my Load days will be on the day I have my surgery.  So, I think I'm going to have to wait to do my Load days after my mouth heals.  Otherwise there will be no way I can load properly.  That may have been a problem or one reason I had so many stalls in this cycle.  I can't believe I'm halfway there!



Weight: 217.5/-1.5

Cycle 1/Phase 2/Day 8

Weight: 217/-2

Cycle 1/Phase 2/Day 7

I was a little worried when I first weighed this morning.  It showed that I was -4 under the median.  I weighed again, and it was the same.  I weighed a couple more times and it showed that I was -1.5.  I'm going to go with that number.  I'm wondering if it's time for a new scale?  Anyway...  I'm surprised that I'm not having any cravings.  Of course there are things that I'd like to have, but it's not calling to me.  Well time for an update.


Weight 217.5/-1.5

Cycle 1/Phase 2/Day 6

Hi friends.  Here's the update for today.  It's been another busy day, so a late update.  I was a little surprised that I lost again today.  I know I didn't eat a lot yesterday, but in the past I could have done that and gained.  Anyway, I hope that today helped because I'm below my -2.  I feel like I ate so much today.  I should be back in the range I need to be by tomorrow.  I don't mind having to eat more though.  That does not make me sad.  The other thing that doesn't make me sad is being able to eat and egg with chorizo on it.  You know.. that makes me very happy!  I had that for lunch in case you were wondering.  Ha!  I have to get back on my meal plan.  It's so much easier when I have a plan of what we're going to eat.  Well, I'm going to go for now.  Nothing major in my life.


Weight: 217.5/-2.5

Cycle 1/Phase 2/Day 5

It's been a busy day!  Sorry for the late post.  Well, I am at 2 lbs below the median.  So... I guess I'm going to have to be careful.  I say that, and I was only able to eat once today.  Well, I did have some yogurt.  So, I ate sashimi (raw fish) and cucumber rolls and yogurt.  Hopefully that will be enough.  I have dinner, so I'll have to eat a little more.  Maybe I'll put a little extra dressing on my salad.  LOL!  This is a problem I don't mind having.


Weight: 217.5/-2

Cycle 1/Phase 2/Day 4

Got my new (digital) piano last night.  Very exciting!  I don't really have much to say right now.  Can you believe it?!  I'm just going to update weight.


Weight: 217.5/-1

Cycle 1/Phase 2/Day 3

This portion of the cycle is certainly an adjustment.  I'm not having a hard time with items on the list that aren't allowed.  I'm not really having a rough time at all.  Maybe it's just that I'm having to listen to my body again, which isn't something I've done in a while.  Sometimes I don't know if I'm hungry or thirsty or maybe just have a tummy ache.  I've also been having a lot of heartburn.  I had it in Phase 1 a lot.  Usually after I took the probiotic.  Now, it's just anytime.  I was thinking maybe it was that I was adding fat back in my diet.  It still may be, but I haven't changed my diet that much at all since before starting this.  The only thing I changed was no added sugar and starch.  I was eating the exact same stuff.  Well, I'll just keep an eye on it.

When I was on The TeamDau Wellness group page on Facebook yesterday, I saw that there was a question posted.  It said, "What is one benefit besides weight loss that you have experienced since starting this program?"  Or something like that.  Well that's easy for me.  I had been thinking about it earlier yesterday, so I had my answer already.  Weight loss has been great -17 is a lot!  I knew that the science behind the hcg protocol is to reset the hypothalamus.  What I didn't expect is that it would reset my desires as well.  There have been some mental blocks lately when it comes to making healthy and good choices.  Whenever I went out to a restaurant, I wouldn't want to chose something healthy on the menu.  In fact, I would feel a little panicky.  It was almost as if I did, I might never get to experience the taste of the other foods.  My brain would say things like, "You can have salmon anytime you want.  Why would you eat that instead of trying the buffalo chicken sandwich.  A yummy battered and fried chicken breast smothered in ranch with butter toasted buns.  How about that side of fries you love so much.  Would you really want to miss out on them?!"  How can you fight with that?!  It's hard that's for sure.  The sad part is that I didn't used to have that battle.  There was a time, about 5-6 years ago that I didn't have that struggle.  I had two miscarriages in a row.  One was very traumatic because it ended up being an emergency.  It was pretty bad.  Just think... Carrie.  Not pleasant.  So, after that I stopped caring I guess.  Anything healthy just didn't sound appealing.  It sounded gross.  With the first pregnancy, I craved salad.  With R I craved oatmeal cream pies and steak.  Pretty big difference.  Fast forward to today.  After doing the hcg protocol (which I'm not done with yet) I feel like it not only reset my hypothalamus.  It reset that part of my brain that didn't used to care about healthy choices.  I still love those foods, but I don't crave them.  When I think about them, I don't salivate.  I don't hurt because I'm not going to go get them.  I'm actually happy about my spinach salad with tons of veggies and a little of a creamy dressing.  I loved my chicken with salsa and asparagus.  That's a huge benefit.  I didn't expect it, but I'm glad it happened.

The last I wanted to mention before I update weight is that I think the tough part of this phase is going to be learning how much I can eat a day.  I felt like such a glutton yesterday!  I had an omelet, some chicken with salsa and asparagus for lunch.  I had a cheese stick, because I was starving before dinner.  For dinner I had a steak and a salad with veggies in it.  Oh!  I even had a little bit of ice cream for lunch.  I wasn't hungry, but it sounded like a good treat.  That was a little mistake I made yesterday.  I had done well stopping when full at lunch, but that ice cream was like a Siren to me.   My tummy felt full for a while after lunch.  Then, after dinner I was full too.  I drank all my water too.  I was sure that I would probably gain weight today.  Well wasn't I surprised!


Weight: 217.5/-1    <- Down a pound and a half from yesterday's weigh in.

Cycle 1/Phase 2/Day 2

Today is the second day.  I talked to my sponsor and she said yesterday's weight is my median weight.  I think I did really well yesterday.  I'm not doing well on my water drinking today, but I can catch up.  It's definitely harder not to get back into the routine of eating 3 times a day, when I may not be hungry.  I had a pretty healthy omelet today.  I didn't eat the whole thing.  It was hard not to.  I ate some and then felt full, so I ate one more bite.  LOL!  Hey, it's a start.  I had some yummy chicken with salsa.  I'm not sure if that's allowed.  It has a tiny bit of sugar, but no more than a lot of the allowable stuff for phase 2.  (This was yesterday)  Today though, I've just had the omelet and I may be ready for lunch in a bit.  I think I may be hungry.  I can't be sure, so I'm going to gulp down some water and see how I feel later.  Well, I'll update my weight.  During this phase I'll post my median weight/difference from median.  The goal if you remember is to maintain that weight within 2 lbs either side.



Weight: 217.5/+.5

Cycle 1/Phase 2/Day 1

Well, I'm here!  I'm ready too!  I had a few drinks last night with my friend.  I was only going to have one glass of wine, but one turned to 1 glass plus 2 shots and a martini.  So.....  not exactly the night I planned, but a good one all the same.  Before anyone gets ideas about me, let me just say that I do that maybe once every year.  I'm not a drinker and I rarely get the opportunity to, so I enjoyed painting and drinking with my good friend.  She's so rotten.  Anyway.... I just knew I was going to gain today.  I just knew it.  I spent the night at my mom's and I used her scale this morning.  I looked down and dang!  I had gained 4 lbs!  What!  So, I went home and I was ok with it.  I thought, "was it worth it?..... Heck ya!"  I had to use the bathroom when I got home and I thought I'd weigh on my scale too.  I weighed and I was 5  lbs lighter than my mom's scale!  So, I'm going to go by my scale.  Not just because it's a better number to look at, but it's the one I weigh on everyday.  According to this one though, I lost a pound.  So, I don't know if that's my median weight or just 1 lb under my median.  I'll have to ask about that.  My painting looks great!


Weight:  217.5/-1/-17

Cycle 1/Phase 1/Day 26

I'm nearing the end of this phase.  I'm starting to feel hungry now, but I usually do in the morning.  I guess it doesn't help that I fixed R my favorite breakfast.  What's that?  Chorizo, eggs and shredded potatoes.  Pretty yummy huh?  Pretty bad for you too I suppose, but the yumminess makes me feel a little less guilty.  It does help to know that in a day or maybe two I can fix a little extra of the egg, chorizo combo and have some.  Hopefully I won't have to have a steak and apple day tomorrow.  I may though, since I'll be doing the Sociable Art tonight.  I'm going to try very hard not to drink more than one glass or have food that I'm not allowed to have.  Oh man!  I'm anticipating a gain though.  So, no loss today.  I was hoping to see one more half pound fall off before the end of this.  Nope!


Weight: 218.5/0/-16