Cycle 3/ Phase 1/ Day 20

Well today is the halfway point for phase 1.  Day 20!  I talked to Vicki today and we talked about doing the drops until I don't lose anymore so that I can lose as much as possible.  I thought about that, but then I figured that since R is coming home not long after I start P2 (if I start when I was planning) I might as well leave it at 40 days.  It will be much easier to be on P2 when he gets home than to still be on P1.  At least on P2 I can still go out to eat with him and maybe even have a cheat.  So, 40 days it is.  Not much longer.  It seems to have flown by already.  Honestly I haven't even had to cook since I cooked before I stared the VLCD portion of this phase.  So, I think this weekend I'll do that.  I usually have a lot cooking at once.  I froze a lot this time, so that's what I'll do again.  I seem to eat the same meals over and over.  Thank goodness I'm not one that needs a lot of variety to get through this program.  It's just not something that I worry about.  I can eat the same thing for days.  Maybe that's why this program is so much easier for me than some.  I feel bad.  One of my girls had a tough time.  Her family eats out a lot and she just had a rough time with the variety.  There are tons of recipes, but I guess they just didn't do it for her.  Poo!  I really wanted to see her succeed and get where she wanted to be.  I'm so passionate about this program.  It has seriously changed my life!  It really has.  If you are at all interested in it please visit TeamDauWellness to learn more about the program.  You can now order online.  I think you can pick a coach too.  I'm not sure if you can still do that.  If so, and you want to, you can pick me as your coach.  If you read my blog from the beginning you'll see my struggles and how far I've come.  The purpose when I started this blog was to blog my journey for myself.  I hope that along the way it helps someone else.  PLEASE don't continue to beat yourself up about your weight.  I've spent years doing everything I thought possible to lose the weight.  I went to trainers and did Weight Watchers.  I did NutriSystem and Slim Fast.  I did Atkins and South Beach.  I did a completely raw diet.  None of those things helped!  Once I realized that it wasn't me.  It wasn't my self control (though that was part of it) and I learned the science behind obesity, I realized that I could do it!  It's not a gimmick and it's completely legit.  I wasn't sure at first either.  All you have to lose is weight!  With that I'll give my numbers for today.

234.5/182.4   52.1 lbs released from my body never to come back!

That's what I LOVE about this program.  It's permanent!  PERMANENT!  When I'm done with Phase 1, I add back in my normal food.  I don't count calories, fat, protein, carbs.. anything.  I don't measure out portions or weigh my food. (In phase 1 yes, but that's a different story that I can explain later.)  I eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full.  I may get the biggest fattiest burger and fries, but I only eat until I'm not hungry anymore.  I pack it up and take it home.  Later, I may eat a little more.  The thing is, our bodies should be able to regulate our weight according to input and output, but for those of us that are obese, it doesn't always work that way.  The Hcg reprograms that part of your brain and you can go back to how your body should have been functioning in the first place.  You can eat the junk, but I bet you won't want to.

No matter how much you have to lose this program WILL work for you.  Listen, I don't get anything from directing you to the site.  I am not paid by them or anything.  I just believe in this program.  Let it work for you!

Cycle 2/Phase 2/ Day 18

I have really struggled this cycle, this phase.  Last cycle this time, I didn't have a problem with keeping my weight at or below median.  This time I have though.  Earlier I was upset, thinking that maybe the program didn't work after all.  That I was eating and shouldn't be gaining.  I kept thinking about it and realized, that I need to examine my motivation for eating and quantity as well as if I was stopping when I was full.  I was very conscious about that last time.  I ate more salads.  Honestly, I haven't even gone grocery shopping in a week.  So, when I think about those things it's no wonder I haven't done well.  So, I'm really trying to pay attention to what my body is saying about my hunger.  I'm trying to fight the urge to eat.  Trying to see if it's emotional or boredom or what.  So, that's my struggle.  I think it may be a little of stress eating.  It's so hard to get past that.  I have to find a new way to cope.  It's hard to get out of the familiar way of coping and find something new.  This will probably be a lifelong struggle for me.

CAN vs CAN'T and the price of cheating. (Cycle 2, Phase 2, Day 10)

I think I have a similar post from last cycle.  I probably will every cycle.  We talked once before about how doing this program is about choices.  It's not about what you can't have.  It's about what you CAN!  While you're on Phase 1 you may feel so very restricted.  Stop thinking about how you can't have different foods. Start thinking about the fact these are the foods you CAN have that will help you toward your goal.  These foods were chosen because they are the best foods that will help you to lose that 0.5-1 lb a day!  On those days you just feel like you just don't care and by golly, you're going to have a piece of pizza.  Well, have it by golly.  You CAN.  You won't get the results you want, but you CAN.  It will set you back probably a couple of days, but if that's worth it to you then do it.  Choices.  That's all it's about.  When you follow the program completely, you WILL succeed.  There are days though, that you just don't care and you want eat out with your family.  This is a choice I was faced with last night.  My daughter (she's almost 4) was craving a steak.  Yes, she's a big time carnivore.  Anyway.. I took her to Texas Roadhouse and we had steaks.  Before we left I had no intention of cheating.  As we sat down however, I started to change my mind.  It's been 53 days since I've had any sort of bread (who's counting?)  I did a 40 day Phase 1 this time.  So, as I said I had a choice to make.  Was I going to cheat or was I going to stick to the "rules" of Phase 2.  I'm not going to call them "rules."  I'm going to call them CANS.  The things I CAN have to reach my goal.  I CAN have, EVERYTHING except starch and sugar.  That's A LOT of stuff!  (Reminds me a little of the Tree of Knowledge of good and evil.  I don't know why I just thought about that because this is not at all as heavy as that.  You aren't choosing to disobey God in this case.  I just thought about it, because my brain likes to jump around as you see)

Anyway.... I'm going to start over down here because I got way off track up there.  So, I had a choice to make.  Knowing that if I cheated there would be a chance that I'd have to do a steak and apple day, I decided to go ahead and cheat.  I like steak anyway..  Well, they brought out the bread and I looked at the menu.  I ate one roll.  It was good, but not quite what I was hoping for.  Maybe it would have been better with actual butter not that yucky cinnamon butter stuff they have.  I had my salad.  That was yummier than the bread!  My daughter shared it with me.  We found out that blue cheese crumbles are a little too strong for her.  Haa!  My food came out.  Way more steak than I should have had, but dang it was good.  I loved every bite.  Even, when my tummy started feeling like it might be getting stretch marks I kept eating.  What in the world?!  I tried to do what Tom says about when you're done eating.  He says that it loses it's taste after a while.  Nope!  I tasted every. single. bite!  Then I stole 2 crunchy fries off of my daughter's plate.  She just ate the steak, no fries.  So, it doesn't sound like a bad cheat does it?  I weighed this morning and I'm 0.2 over median. So, I actually gained 0.4 because I was 0.2 under yesterday.  Still, not bad right?

Maybe it was bad though.  What I realized this morning as I weighed is that this is what I did last cycle.  I would have a tiny bit here and there and have no issues, so I'd have a little more.  By the end of my 21 days I was already eating like I was on Phase 3.  Cheating and then not seeing a bad result on the scale just gave me confidence to do it again.  So, this is why I think it's way worse to cheat.  Go ahead if you must.  I think though, that by cheating we're missing out.  We're missing out on the chance to work on ourselves.  Not just self control.  If you got through Phase 1 then, that's not an issue.  We're working on the mental part of eating.  The not eating for comfort thing.  Eating only when we're hungry.  Then, stopping before our stomachs get stretch marks.  This Phase 2 is extremely important.  It's not about the CANT'S.  It's about the CANS.  It's about remembering our original goal.  It's about working on our minds so that we can really be ready when it's time to move on.  It's about not giving ourselves permission to eat the bad stuff (though we can), but instead choosing to give ourselves permission to eat the stuff that will be good for our bodies.  Isn't that where most of us have failed in the past?  Choosing the bad over the good.  Choosing it because for some reason we don't feel like we deserve the "good stuff."  If our body is a temple, then let's start treating it that way.  Let's take each Cycle as a chance to clean out our temple.  Phase one would be cleaning everything out and de-cluttering.  Phase 2 is moving in the furniture.  The things that have to be in there.  Finally, Phase 3 would be decorating.  Putting in a few final little touches that make it our own.  Sometimes we have so much weight to lose that we repeat the cycles.  That's ok.  Don't feel discouraged.  Don't think about the CAN'TS.  There are way more CANS!  You CAN do it!  I believe in you.  Hopefully that's enough to get you started.  Sometimes that's all I need is for someone else to believe in me.  So, I'll be your someone if you want.

Forgiveness - Cycle 2/ Phase 2/ Day 6

I'm not Buddhist, but there are some aspects of it that I find very helpful.  I once bought this CD set called Buddhist Meditation for Beginners.  It was at a point in my life when I was very unsure how I felt about my own faith.  I'm still unsure to be honest.  I felt growing up that I was being strong handed into a religion that I didn't fully agree with.  As an adult I converted to Catholicism, but still there are things that I don't agree with.  Anyway, so this CD pack comes with guided meditations.  This is what I wanted.  There's one in particular that (just thinking about it makes me cry,) has been amazing!  It's a guided forgiveness meditation.  Man alive!  I swear to you, if you do this one you will be sobbing.  I don't care if you haven't cried in 47 years, this one will have you snotting.  I just got the essential oil called Forgiveness and it does smell great.  I put a little on, but I think when I get my diffuser, I'm going to do the meditation with the oil.  So, let me tell you about this meditation.  My mom and grandma, I think, just knew that me getting these CD's meant I was just going against god.  What I don't think people, especially churchy people, realize is that meditation is just like praying really.  Doing a rosary is praying, but also a meditation.  So, I really feel like it can go both ways.  Dang!  I keep getting off topic.

FORGIVENESS ..... I realized in the last post toward the end when I wrote myself that thank you, that I was actually forgiving myself.  I was finally going easy on myself.  Letting go (for that moment) of those mean, negative thoughts my brain tells me.  That was huge.  When I went back and re-read it I started crying.  I've been so mean to myself.  I'm fat, not worth it, unattractive.... That's crap!  So I banish you, you horrible monster.  You are not allowed in my brain anymore.  I'm am printing out that thank you note and I'm going to post it everywhere.  I'm going to post it as affirmation and to remind myself that I'M the one that controls those voices.  I'M the one that can make myself feel worthless and unattractive.  It won't matter how much weight I lose, if I still keep that monster in my head.  That monster will always try to steer me back into the rut I was in.  So.... I banish you!  And, I forgive you.  I FORGIVE you!  I FORGIVE you Doug, the man that raped me.  I FORGIVE you Mike, the man that molested me as a child.  I FORGIVE you crazy family, that has been nothing but pain to me since I was born.  I FORGIVE you SAM.  I forgive you for doing harmful things to yourself.  You were doing the best you could.  I can forgive.  I CAN forgive.  I can, because it's healthy for me to do so.  You can't swim while holding onto a boulder.  So, I'm letting go.  I'll still be working on forgiving myself, but others I'm done with.  They are the ones responsible.  In return I will also ask forgiveness from the people I have harmed.  I may not be able to personally do so, but I will put it out there.  I will ask it and send it to the heavens.  I hope they receive it and do the same for me.

This had nothing to do with weight.  Or.. maybe it does.  Maybe the weight we carry on our body is just a manifestation of the emotional weight we carry.  I've heard that people that practice Reiki are often overweight from healing people.  I'm over my median today.  I had a bit of a day yesterday.  I'm not more than 2 over, but I'd rather be 2 under.  So, I'm just going to examine my motivation for eating today.  Fortunately those stupid Klondike bars are gone.  In my tummy, but gone.  (They were delicious!)  I just want to say to you this.....  Forgive yourself.  Take care of yourself, and go easy.  Give yourself a break, even if it's just for today.

43 Pounds Ago..... or Cycle 2/ Phase 2/ Day 3

43 pounds ago, 

• I was very uncomfortable in my skin.
• I was self conscious about myself.
• I had given up.  I didn't care about what I ate or did.  
• I was scared that I might die and my child wouldn't have a mommy.
• I was in pain when I slept or sat for too long
• I was actually considering getting a bariatric procedure because I'd tried it all.
• I didn't think I'd ever be able to shop off the rack again.
• I hated bathing suits and just knew everyone was calling me a beached whale
• I would never have tried roller blading.
• I wouldn't have started working toward my original career goal
• I was ashamed to let my husband see me or hug me.
• I WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH

That was 43 pounds in the past.  Now that past is gone.  Literally.  It is gone.  Down the drain and out to sea.  It's gone.  With every pound some emotional pounds have come off too.  So, here's my new list.

43 pounds later...

• I still have a ways to go, but I'm feeling more comfortable.
• I don't care what people think.  If only they knew where I just was 3 months ago.
• I feel hopeful again.  Although, I love my chorizo, I do care about what goes in my body.
• I still have fears about dying (that's the mommy thing,) but I'm not afraid it will be b/c of my health.
• I can't believe I had actually considered a major surgery for my weight!
• I am almost there.  I actually saw something on the rack that was my size!
• I still hate bathing suits for now, but the one I wore last year looks downright cute this year!
• I am roller blading!  Having so much fun!  I've never done it before and I'm not good, but having fun.
• I'm ready to push forward and finish my degree.  I'm going to be the person I wanted to be when I was little and before I let men get in my way.  
• I will still be self conscious around my husband, but I feel better.  There's more than weight.  The baby stretch marks, the flab around the c-section scar.  I'm still working on this one
• I'M WORTH IT!  

43 pounds in the future...

• I hope to feel content looking at my naked body in the mirror
• I won't care at all what people think.  It won't even be a thought in my head
• Eating well will be second nature and won't be such a struggle
• I won't worry about my health because of my weight
• I will be shocked and proud that I searched for an alternative to surgery
• Off the rack!  That won't be a problem
• No swim dress for me.  Though, they are cute.
• I'll be doing more than roller blading.  I'll be back to running and maybe even some hiking and climbing with my husband
• I will be working hard on my degree
• I will be less inhibited around him.  Just happy that I'll fit in his arms like I used to.
• I'LL EXPECT MORE FROM MYSELF, KNOWING I CAN DO IT!

This has been so much more than a weight loss journey.  It's been an emotional one as well.  I feel like I'm just discovering the woman I am and who I want to be.  It will always take work.  Even, when I'm at the weight I want to be, I will probably always have emotional issues to work on.  It's hard.  That's harder than the program I'm doing.  Thank you Tom and Vicki for sharing with me your message of hope.  Thank you Vicki for being so like me, that I can see the woman I'd like to become.  Thank you Karla for being a mentor to me and answering my questions.  Thank you, whoever reads this.  It helps keep me going.  I don't want to disappoint anyone let anyone see my fail.  This has been a great way to journal.  It's mostly been for me.  Last person to thank.  Thank you Samantha Belina, for doing your best.  Thank you for caring about your family enough to try "one more thing."  Thank you for not giving up even when it was hard.  Thank you for taking care of yourself.  Thank you!  You ARE worth it!  You ARE beautiful and you ARE smart.  You ARE a good mom.  You can do it.  I have no doubts.  It's ok to fall.  You have people around to help you get back up.  So, be easy on yourself.  

Cycle 2/ Phase 1/ Day 43

Today is the last day of Phase 1.  I'm moving on tomorrow.  I did well last time on Phase 2, but phase 3 was toughest.  I gained over median, but only by a pound.  I guess I was just upset because I had stayed 2 lbs under median.  This time I'm really going to have to work on the emotional aspect of it all.  When I had the option of eating what I wanted during Phase 3, I think I just ate anything.  I really didn't keep up with the veggies and fruits like I should have.  I'll be ok though.  This time I'm going to really have to work on that.  It's hard to go from such a restricted phase to eating everything you want to.  The good thing is that if I go too far over median, I can do a steak and apple day.  Fortunately I didn't have to do that last time.  I can't chat for long.  I'm just excited because two of my friends have signed up to start the program.  Yay!

193.2

Cycle 2/ Phase 1/ Day 42

I'm feeling great.  2 days no drops.  I don't feel hungry yet.  This is the part that always blows my mind.  I'm glad though.  It's good.  I'm excited to have a little chorizo and eggs for breakfast though.  Of all the things to crave and want to be my first meal, that's it.  I don't care about anything.  I just love chorizo!  There's a restaurant that does a great chicken breast with chorizo on it.  Yummmmmm!  It's Phase 2 friendly because there's no sugar and no carbs.  However, it is not a very healthy choice and falls on the emotional happy side of eating.  So, I may have to examine that when I come to it.  I think the break in between the cycles is a relief, but toward the last couple of days I was ready to begin again.  I have an aquaintance that is hoping to start soon!  I know she's nervous, but hopefully I'll be able to support her like I've been supported and encouraged.  I know this program works!  You just have to do it.  So, if you're considering this program let me know.  I'll be right here for you!

Cycle 2/ Phase 1/ Day 37

Ups and Downs.. Ups and Downs..  That's what life is full of it seems.  Not just with my weight, which is mostly what this blog is about, but just life in general.  I'm going to break from my normal weight loss talk today.  I hate it when I feel impatient.  I really do.  Today I just felt so impatient though.  Tonight, I just had enough with little R and just told her to go to bed.  Of course that crushed her feelings.  Nothing she did was her fault either.  She's not even 4 yet.  I have stuff all over the place because I'm trying to de-clutter.  So, she's just got to be in the middle of it all!  I know I could have taken it all out yesterday, but I didn't.  On top of that I sell Scentsy and I got an order in yesterday.  It had tons of paper in it.  She has strewn that all over the living room.  I just feel too tired to do anything about it.  I have to though.  I have to clean the house.  I have a home check on the 31st that I'm nervous about.  It's for a stinkin dog!  We're going through a rescue group and they do home checks.  That's totally fine, but I'm so nervous!  You'd think I was adopting a kid.  My house is a complete disaster!  I'm not kidding.  Really!  I'm not one of those type A's that say that and the only thing wrong is a pillow on the couch is out of place.  I'm serious.  My daughter's room is about the most dangerous room in the house.  You step on a block and you'll be lame for days.  Hopefully, that will be a room we can avoid.  My bedroom looks like the dryer exploded in it.  The clothes are clean!  For real!  They just don't like being in my closet.  I think they're claustrophobic. Then, my "guest/school/craft" room.  Sigh.... That's where we are going to put the kennel.  The only thing I can say that is good about my house right now is that there are no dirty dishes in the sink, and my yard is safe.  OH!  Then I found out that hubster may be coming home early.  That's good and bad.  I'd love for him to be home, but the money we make when he's gone was going to really help with a down payment on a house and car.  So, dang it!  Stupid countries having issues.  I miss him though, I really do.  Sigh.. ups and downs... today is a down day.

Well, an up is that I do feel good about this cycle.  I'm super close to making my goal.  I may not, and that will still be ok. (I won't lie, I'll be a little disappointed.)  However, I do feel like I've made some progress in other areas.  Have we talked about the body as a temple thing yet?  I can never remember what I write.  Anyway.. I just hope that God is looking at my work and saying "Good work!"  I thought for sure I talked about this.  Maybe I imagined what I was going to write or maybe I chickened out.

I just realized what it came from...

 I love my path more though.  I love my goal and I love knowing that I'm not just working on my weight, but my heart and my brain.  These things are temporary.  Life is just temporary.  If our body is really a temple, then what sort of  temple have I been keeping?  So, right now, I'm cleaning this temple.  I'm getting rid of the old things.  I'm selling off the junk.  I'm going to start new.  I'm renovating.  That's all that I can do right now.  I won't do well everyday, but my heart is there.  I'll always come back.  Now that I know I can, I will.  So, that's what this program has done for me.  


This was in an email that I wrote to Vicki.  Oh man!  She's been amazing.  I think we have so much in common.  I don't think she even knows.  That's my up.  Having the support I do.  Knowing that things are temporary.  Learning to be optimistic again.  That's been hard for me lately.  I love my life, but some days I just want to run away.  I haven't been feeling very faithful lately.  I just have felt sort of like God left me to figure things out.  He's very gentle to me right now, and that's how I need it to be.  By very gentle, I mean bringing me back in very small ways.  My daughter found my little picture bible from when I was her age.  Every day she wants me to read it.  I have to read several stories.  They make me uncomfortable for some reason, but very slowly I'm feeling my faith return.  I appreciate that He knows how to handle me.  I guess he would since he made me.  I'm thankful for him introducing me to Tom and Vicki.  They also happen to share the same faith.  I'll get there again.  Probably not this week, but eventually.  


You thought this blog was going to be about weight loss.  Well this is part of it.  Getting rid of the emotional triggers to your food addiction.  It can be very emotional and stressful.  I'm thankful though.  I want a WHOLE new me.  Not just a new body, but a new mind and spirit too.  So, this is me.  You want to know my weight loss?  Nothing.  I gained 0.4 today.  Not pleased, but not discouraged either.  I know I'll get there.  I KNOW I will.  So, I'm ok.  

Cycle 2/ Phase 1/ Day 33

I was talking to a friend today about addictions.  With alcoholism and drug addiction, you may always be tempted, but you never have to touch it again.  (I have a parent that had addictions that's why I feel free to say this.)  With food addictions though, it seems so much harder.  The very thing you use to self medicate or feel better or cope with situations is also the very thing you need to survive.  That is the hardest thing!  This is my second cycle.  I've lost 35 lbs on it.  I've haven't consciously worked on my food issues, but I think that everyday I work on them a little more.  I have little successes that help me to build my confidence.  It helps me to use food as FUEL not as a tool for my emotions or boredom.  How amazing is that!  When I step back, and am very honest with myself I realize I have ALWAYS had issues with my weight.  I keep saying to myself that it's just been the past few years.  I think that made me feel better.  It was as if saying that made it a little better.  I remember though being 12 and being the little fat girl.  I remember because I have pictures of me at a christmas recital and all the other little girls were normal and healthy.  I remember coming home and letting myself in and having an oatmeal cream pie.  Maybe I'd have a couple or maybe I'd have a swiss cake roll or two.  I'd hide them to eat them later.  (Those two things are still my two favorite junk foods.)  When I got older, I got busier and then there were boys.  When I was in the Air Force, I was paranoid about my weight because though I was 130+ that was right at the cut off for me being in the weight program.  I'm short, but 130 on me doesn't look bad.  I was also in an incredibly stressful school, so I controlled my eating by not eating or by purging and... well... you know.  So, this has always been an issue.  Why am I just now realizing it?!  I don't know, but I'm glad I did.

Last night I responded on Facebook to some post.  I can't remember how it started.  I responded with something one of my Teamdau mentors said.  I told her that lately I say this to myself. "Sam.  What will give you more peace?  Cheating and having that (fill in the blank) or following the program?  Will you be happy with the results?  Are you prepared to deal with the consequences?  How will you feel tomorrow when you step on the scale?  What if you gain?"  Yes, sometimes it's a very long conversation with myself when I'm looking at my daughters waffle fries from Chick Fil A (or however you spell it.)  In march I had that conversation when I decided to go out with a friend and have a couple of drinks.  Sometimes it's worth it.  It was totally worth it to go out with my friend.  If I had gained weight, I would have been ok with that.  So, I don't deny myself anymore!  I don't struggle with knowing I "can't" have something.  I can...If I want to deal with what may happen.  Most of the time I don't.  So, then I don't get upset.  Over time it's become easier and easier.  I don't have to ask myself those questions as much anymore.  In fact, most of the time it's meal time and I feel inconvenienced.  "Didn't I JUST eat?"  Eating is a chore now.  It's something I have to do because it's good for my body.  Now, the next two phases my brain will switch over and probably I'll struggle again.  Just like anything though, practice makes perfect.  This has been the best thing for me.  I am so glad that I stumbled on this program.  I'm so glad that in Feb. I googled 90lbs in 9 months.  I wasn't sure it was possible.  I'm still not sure I'll make the 90.  I don't care about that anymore.  Last cycle, I struggled with it.  The end of this cycle I will be anxious to start again.

If you are AT ALL wanting to lose weight.. a little or a lot, you should give this program a go.  You have nothing to lose but pounds!  Nothing!  It's an affordable program.  This program at a doctor's office can start at $700 for a 40 day cycle.  I did see some other lower prices, but they didn't look reputable.  There's a doc here in Fayetteville that does it.  I have been thinking about using him to be honest.  The thing is, what I'm doing now is working!  The support is amazing!  Why change?  So, take a look around.  Do some homework.  Look up Dr. Simeons Protocol.  Then, take a look at Tom and Vicki's site and their program.  They use a homeopathic Hcg program.  Most of you reading this blog know me in person.  If you are reading this and you don't know me, I just encourage you to do some homework.  Use Tom and Vicki's program.  They're legit and the support they give is just amazing.  I've heard someone say that someone they knew just gained it all back.  I truly believe that without a support system on this program and without proper preparation you will not succeed.  So, let us be your support. It's hard to get started.  Once you get started though, you'll feel motivated to continue.


With that!   My loss for today.... None :-(  LOL!  Just one of my weekly stalls.  For me this is normal.  Most people don't have to deal with this though.  So, +0.6 today.  I'm at 199.8.  No worries!  I'm still under 200.  I won't gain again tomorrow, so I'm not worried.  I may not lose, but that's ok too.  My week seems to go like this.  Lose over a pound or more, gain a tiny bit, stay the same, stay the same, stay the same.... Lose big again.  So, I'm not worried!  After all... Tomorrow is another day!

Cycle 2/ Phase 1/ Day 30

I've got about 10 more days on the drops.  Hopefully, things will start to pick up a little.  I've had quite a long stall this time.  It seems like last time I'd have stalls then a nice big loss.  This time though, I'll have a stall and then a tiny loss.  So, I'm not sure what's going on.  I definitely won't be content if I don't get below 200.  I'm sure that will happen, but I'm just feeling impatient.  I'm also feeling impatient because of other things in my life.  Maybe tomorrow will be a huge loss day and I'll have been worked up for nothing.  So, the loss for today is -0.4.  That brings me to exactly 201.  My goal after being under 200, is to get to 150.  Hopefully I'll be there by November or December.  Right now my rate of loss is 0.6.  I guess that's not as bad as I thought.  So my average is over 0.5 which is the minimum per day that I should be losing.  So, at 0.6 per day for all of these cycles, which could be 4, I could maybe lose 87lbs!  That would put me right at 150 or less.  So, I'll try to have a little more patience.  That's a very hard thing for me!

Cycle 2/ Phase 1/ Day 28

Here we go again with the stalls.  They are the most aggravating things in the world to me.  It really messes with my head.  It seems to have started when I left, which I'm sure is just a coincidence but it makes me feel like that may be part of the reason.  I'm going to look into my physical activity.  I don't think I'm doing anything out of the ordinary like I was last week.  I'm drinking my water and eating how I should and taking my vitamins.  So, I suppose it's just a stall.  I still hate it.  I was really hoping that I would be below or right at 200 today.  I'm so close.  I really hope I meet my goal.  I think I feel this way each cycle about this time.  I remember thinking last time that I could probably lose weight just as fast or faster if I worked out like a crazy lady.  That's probably true, but I have to keep reminding myself that my goal is quality not quantity.  It's also about permanence instead of doing something that's going to require such high maintenance.  I like being physical and doing work, but I know that I'm never going to be able to keep up going to the gym.  I feel like whatever you do to lose the weight is what you'll have to do to keep it off.  Do you agree?  So, if you slave away in the gym to lose weight, then you'll always have to go to the gym just to keep it off.  Well, with this program we're resetting the hypothalamus, so when it's done it's done.  All I'll do, is make sure I'm only eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I'm full.  Nothing is off limits though!  I'll never have to feel guilty for eating anything ever again.  These are the things that get me through these stalls.  I don't like them, but at least they aren't as frequent as last time.  I'm also still going to go the full 40 days on the drops, no matter how many stalls.  Still at the rate I'm going I'll have lost a little over 25lbs this cycle alone!  So, I could be at 194 by the end of this phase.  I would definitely be pleased with that.  Of course I want it as low as possible, but I will take what I can get especially since this is the only thing that has worked for me.  Just think... only a couple of months ago I was considering bariatric surgery!  So glad I found Tom and Vicki!

Cycle 2/ Phase 1/ Day 27

Today was a bit disappointing.  I've been doing well, and I can see now that I'm having the same stalls that happened last cycle.  I won't complain though.  If I do my average for weight loss beginning with this phase then it averages 0.65, which is the same as last time.  If I do it from when I actually started losing on day 6 (because of my 4 load days,) then my average is 0.84.  I want my average to be 0.8-1, but I can't just make my body do it.  I'm hoping that by thinking very positively things will change.  Haa!  Either way, I'm not discouraged like last cycle.  I can see the weight actually coming off.  This program really does work and everyday I see proof.  It's small things.  Some days I actually feel lighter.  Some days I feel like my shoes feel better because my heels don't hurt.  Last week I tried on several pairs of sandals and didn't feel like my feet looked like sausages.  I can look down at the numbers at the scale without sucking in.  My face is clearing up again.  It was starting to look pretty bumpy at the end of the last cycle.  I was eating crap again though.  That's a different post.  My joints don't hurt like they did.  The Biggest thing that I have noticed is that my leg doesn't hurt.  I never really told anyone about it.  When I was pregnant I would have pain down one side of my leg.  I thought it was because of a nerve or something.  It happened a lot more the heavier I got.  Well, I haven't felt it at all since I started losing.  AT ALL!  Well, I know what you're 'weighting' for!  LOL!

2/26- 234.5   4/21-219.5    5/16- 201.8


My first goal is 150.  I'd like to be there by the time Russ gets home.  My ultimate goal is 130.  I'll get there!

Cycle 2/ Phase 1/ Day 24

I've been an absentee blogger.  We got back from Savannah yesterday.  It was a great trip.  I had a blast and I don't think either of us were ready to come home.  I am glad to be back though.  My weight should get back to normal now.  I gained a pound (as you'll see below) even though I didn't cheat and I just had a hard time.  I think it had to do with water.  I wasn't able to drink as much.  Things are back to normal now though.  Fortunately when we go to Disney I'll be in phase 3.  I'm happy though.  I'm almost under the 200 mark!  That's huge!  I started at 234 or 236.  I'll have to go back and look.  Before that I weighed even more.  I was 242 at one point.  That was right when Russ left.  I don't have a lot to update at the moment.  I'm actually pretty tired.

My current weight is 202.6.  I lost 1.2 lbs from yesterday.  Finally!  This week didn't produce the numbers I wanted for the week, but really they're right on target at 0.54 lbs a day.  It should be 0.5 - 1 lb a day.  So, I guess that's ok.  Hopefully this week will be much better numbers though.  I'm really hoping to be closer to 0.8-1 lb a day.  That would get me closer to my over all goal.

DATE	CYCLE DAY	WEIGHT	DAILY LOSS	THIS CYCLE	TO DATE
Apr 21, 2011	1	219.5	0	0	15
Apr 22, 2011	2	219.5	0	0	15
Apr 23, 2011	3	221.5	+2	+2	13
Apr 24, 2011	4	219	2.5	0.5	15.5
Apr 25, 2011	5	219.6	+0.6	+0.1	14.9
Apr 26, 2011	6	218.8	0.8	0.7	15.7
Apr 27, 2011	7	216.6	2.2	2.9	17.9
Apr 28, 2011	8	215.0	1.6	4.5	19.5
Apr 29, 2011	9	214	1	5.5	20.5
Apr 30, 2011	10	213.2	0.8	6.3	21.3
May 1, 2011	11	213	0.2	6.5	21.5
May 2, 2011	12	211.8	1.2	7.7	22.7
May 3, 2011	13	209.8	2	9.7	24.7
May 4, 2011	14	208.8	1	10.7	25.7
May 5, 2011	15	208.8	0	10.7	25.7
May 6, 2011	16	207.6	1.2	11.9	26.9
May 7, 2011	17	206.4	1.2	13.1	28.1
May 8, 2011	18	206.2	0.2	13.3	28.3
May 9, 2011	19	205.4	0.8	14.1	29.1
May 10, 2011	20	205	0.4	14.5	29.5
May 11, 2011	21	202.8	2.2	16.7	31.7
May 12, 2011	22	203.8	+1	15.7	30.7
May 13, 2011	23	203.8	0	15.7	30.7
May 14, 2011	24	202.6	1.2	16.9	31.9