I'm not Buddhist, but there are some aspects of it that I find very helpful. I once bought this CD set called Buddhist Meditation for Beginners. It was at a point in my life when I was very unsure how I felt about my own faith. I'm still unsure to be honest. I felt growing up that I was being strong handed into a religion that I didn't fully agree with. As an adult I converted to Catholicism, but still there are things that I don't agree with. Anyway, so this CD pack comes with guided meditations. This is what I wanted. There's one in particular that (just thinking about it makes me cry,) has been amazing! It's a guided forgiveness meditation. Man alive! I swear to you, if you do this one you will be sobbing. I don't care if you haven't cried in 47 years, this one will have you snotting. I just got the essential oil called Forgiveness and it does smell great. I put a little on, but I think when I get my diffuser, I'm going to do the meditation with the oil. So, let me tell you about this meditation. My mom and grandma, I think, just knew that me getting these CD's meant I was just going against god. What I don't think people, especially churchy people, realize is that meditation is just like praying really. Doing a rosary is praying, but also a meditation. So, I really feel like it can go both ways. Dang! I keep getting off topic.
FORGIVENESS ..... I realized in the last post toward the end when I wrote myself that thank you, that I was actually forgiving myself. I was finally going easy on myself. Letting go (for that moment) of those mean, negative thoughts my brain tells me. That was huge. When I went back and re-read it I started crying. I've been so mean to myself. I'm fat, not worth it, unattractive.... That's crap! So I banish you, you horrible monster. You are not allowed in my brain anymore. I'm am printing out that thank you note and I'm going to post it everywhere. I'm going to post it as affirmation and to remind myself that I'M the one that controls those voices. I'M the one that can make myself feel worthless and unattractive. It won't matter how much weight I lose, if I still keep that monster in my head. That monster will always try to steer me back into the rut I was in. So.... I banish you! And, I forgive you. I FORGIVE you! I FORGIVE you Doug, the man that raped me. I FORGIVE you Mike, the man that molested me as a child. I FORGIVE you crazy family, that has been nothing but pain to me since I was born. I FORGIVE you SAM. I forgive you for doing harmful things to yourself. You were doing the best you could. I can forgive. I CAN forgive. I can, because it's healthy for me to do so. You can't swim while holding onto a boulder. So, I'm letting go. I'll still be working on forgiving myself, but others I'm done with. They are the ones responsible. In return I will also ask forgiveness from the people I have harmed. I may not be able to personally do so, but I will put it out there. I will ask it and send it to the heavens. I hope they receive it and do the same for me.
This had nothing to do with weight. Or.. maybe it does. Maybe the weight we carry on our body is just a manifestation of the emotional weight we carry. I've heard that people that practice Reiki are often overweight from healing people. I'm over my median today. I had a bit of a day yesterday. I'm not more than 2 over, but I'd rather be 2 under. So, I'm just going to examine my motivation for eating today. Fortunately those stupid Klondike bars are gone. In my tummy, but gone. (They were delicious!) I just want to say to you this..... Forgive yourself. Take care of yourself, and go easy. Give yourself a break, even if it's just for today.
Powerful again Sam!
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