Ups and Downs.. Ups and Downs.. That's what life is full of it seems. Not just with my weight, which is mostly what this blog is about, but just life in general. I'm going to break from my normal weight loss talk today. I hate it when I feel impatient. I really do. Today I just felt so impatient though. Tonight, I just had enough with little R and just told her to go to bed. Of course that crushed her feelings. Nothing she did was her fault either. She's not even 4 yet. I have stuff all over the place because I'm trying to de-clutter. So, she's just got to be in the middle of it all! I know I could have taken it all out yesterday, but I didn't. On top of that I sell Scentsy and I got an order in yesterday. It had tons of paper in it. She has strewn that all over the living room. I just feel too tired to do anything about it. I have to though. I have to clean the house. I have a home check on the 31st that I'm nervous about. It's for a stinkin dog! We're going through a rescue group and they do home checks. That's totally fine, but I'm so nervous! You'd think I was adopting a kid. My house is a complete disaster! I'm not kidding. Really! I'm not one of those type A's that say that and the only thing wrong is a pillow on the couch is out of place. I'm serious. My daughter's room is about the most dangerous room in the house. You step on a block and you'll be lame for days. Hopefully, that will be a room we can avoid. My bedroom looks like the dryer exploded in it. The clothes are clean! For real! They just don't like being in my closet. I think they're claustrophobic. Then, my "guest/school/craft" room. Sigh.... That's where we are going to put the kennel. The only thing I can say that is good about my house right now is that there are no dirty dishes in the sink, and my yard is safe. OH! Then I found out that hubster may be coming home early. That's good and bad. I'd love for him to be home, but the money we make when he's gone was going to really help with a down payment on a house and car. So, dang it! Stupid countries having issues. I miss him though, I really do. Sigh.. ups and downs... today is a down day.
Well, an up is that I do feel good about this cycle. I'm super close to making my goal. I may not, and that will still be ok. (I won't lie, I'll be a little disappointed.) However, I do feel like I've made some progress in other areas. Have we talked about the body as a temple thing yet? I can never remember what I write. Anyway.. I just hope that God is looking at my work and saying "Good work!" I thought for sure I talked about this. Maybe I imagined what I was going to write or maybe I chickened out.
I just realized what it came from...
I love my path more though. I love my goal and I love knowing that I'm not just working on my weight, but my heart and my brain. These things are temporary. Life is just temporary. If our body is really a temple, then what sort of temple have I been keeping? So, right now, I'm cleaning this temple. I'm getting rid of the old things. I'm selling off the junk. I'm going to start new. I'm renovating. That's all that I can do right now. I won't do well everyday, but my heart is there. I'll always come back. Now that I know I can, I will. So, that's what this program has done for me.
This was in an email that I wrote to Vicki. Oh man! She's been amazing. I think we have so much in common. I don't think she even knows. That's my up. Having the support I do. Knowing that things are temporary. Learning to be optimistic again. That's been hard for me lately. I love my life, but some days I just want to run away. I haven't been feeling very faithful lately. I just have felt sort of like God left me to figure things out. He's very gentle to me right now, and that's how I need it to be. By very gentle, I mean bringing me back in very small ways. My daughter found my little picture bible from when I was her age. Every day she wants me to read it. I have to read several stories. They make me uncomfortable for some reason, but very slowly I'm feeling my faith return. I appreciate that He knows how to handle me. I guess he would since he made me. I'm thankful for him introducing me to Tom and Vicki. They also happen to share the same faith. I'll get there again. Probably not this week, but eventually.
You thought this blog was going to be about weight loss. Well this is part of it. Getting rid of the emotional triggers to your food addiction. It can be very emotional and stressful. I'm thankful though. I want a WHOLE new me. Not just a new body, but a new mind and spirit too. So, this is me. You want to know my weight loss? Nothing. I gained 0.4 today. Not pleased, but not discouraged either. I know I'll get there. I KNOW I will. So, I'm ok.
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