I was talking to a friend today about addictions. With alcoholism and drug addiction, you may always be tempted, but you never have to touch it again. (I have a parent that had addictions that's why I feel free to say this.) With food addictions though, it seems so much harder. The very thing you use to self medicate or feel better or cope with situations is also the very thing you need to survive. That is the hardest thing! This is my second cycle. I've lost 35 lbs on it. I've haven't consciously worked on my food issues, but I think that everyday I work on them a little more. I have little successes that help me to build my confidence. It helps me to use food as FUEL not as a tool for my emotions or boredom. How amazing is that! When I step back, and am very honest with myself I realize I have ALWAYS had issues with my weight. I keep saying to myself that it's just been the past few years. I think that made me feel better. It was as if saying that made it a little better. I remember though being 12 and being the little fat girl. I remember because I have pictures of me at a christmas recital and all the other little girls were normal and healthy. I remember coming home and letting myself in and having an oatmeal cream pie. Maybe I'd have a couple or maybe I'd have a swiss cake roll or two. I'd hide them to eat them later. (Those two things are still my two favorite junk foods.) When I got older, I got busier and then there were boys. When I was in the Air Force, I was paranoid about my weight because though I was 130+ that was right at the cut off for me being in the weight program. I'm short, but 130 on me doesn't look bad. I was also in an incredibly stressful school, so I controlled my eating by not eating or by purging and... well... you know. So, this has always been an issue. Why am I just now realizing it?! I don't know, but I'm glad I did.
Last night I responded on Facebook to some post. I can't remember how it started. I responded with something one of my Teamdau mentors said. I told her that lately I say this to myself. "Sam. What will give you more peace? Cheating and having that (fill in the blank) or following the program? Will you be happy with the results? Are you prepared to deal with the consequences? How will you feel tomorrow when you step on the scale? What if you gain?" Yes, sometimes it's a very long conversation with myself when I'm looking at my daughters waffle fries from Chick Fil A (or however you spell it.) In march I had that conversation when I decided to go out with a friend and have a couple of drinks. Sometimes it's worth it. It was totally worth it to go out with my friend. If I had gained weight, I would have been ok with that. So, I don't deny myself anymore! I don't struggle with knowing I "can't" have something. I can...If I want to deal with what may happen. Most of the time I don't. So, then I don't get upset. Over time it's become easier and easier. I don't have to ask myself those questions as much anymore. In fact, most of the time it's meal time and I feel inconvenienced. "Didn't I JUST eat?" Eating is a chore now. It's something I have to do because it's good for my body. Now, the next two phases my brain will switch over and probably I'll struggle again. Just like anything though, practice makes perfect. This has been the best thing for me. I am so glad that I stumbled on this program. I'm so glad that in Feb. I googled 90lbs in 9 months. I wasn't sure it was possible. I'm still not sure I'll make the 90. I don't care about that anymore. Last cycle, I struggled with it. The end of this cycle I will be anxious to start again.
If you are AT ALL wanting to lose weight.. a little or a lot, you should give this program a go. You have nothing to lose but pounds! Nothing! It's an affordable program. This program at a doctor's office can start at $700 for a 40 day cycle. I did see some other lower prices, but they didn't look reputable. There's a doc here in Fayetteville that does it. I have been thinking about using him to be honest. The thing is, what I'm doing now is working! The support is amazing! Why change? So, take a look around. Do some homework. Look up Dr. Simeons Protocol. Then, take a look at Tom and Vicki's site and their program. They use a homeopathic Hcg program. Most of you reading this blog know me in person. If you are reading this and you don't know me, I just encourage you to do some homework. Use Tom and Vicki's program. They're legit and the support they give is just amazing. I've heard someone say that someone they knew just gained it all back. I truly believe that without a support system on this program and without proper preparation you will not succeed. So, let us be your support. It's hard to get started. Once you get started though, you'll feel motivated to continue.
With that! My loss for today.... None :-( LOL! Just one of my weekly stalls. For me this is normal. Most people don't have to deal with this though. So, +0.6 today. I'm at 199.8. No worries! I'm still under 200. I won't gain again tomorrow, so I'm not worried. I may not lose, but that's ok too. My week seems to go like this. Lose over a pound or more, gain a tiny bit, stay the same, stay the same, stay the same.... Lose big again. So, I'm not worried! After all... Tomorrow is another day!
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