Cycle 2/ Phase 1/ Day 33

I was talking to a friend today about addictions.  With alcoholism and drug addiction, you may always be tempted, but you never have to touch it again.  (I have a parent that had addictions that's why I feel free to say this.)  With food addictions though, it seems so much harder.  The very thing you use to self medicate or feel better or cope with situations is also the very thing you need to survive.  That is the hardest thing!  This is my second cycle.  I've lost 35 lbs on it.  I've haven't consciously worked on my food issues, but I think that everyday I work on them a little more.  I have little successes that help me to build my confidence.  It helps me to use food as FUEL not as a tool for my emotions or boredom.  How amazing is that!  When I step back, and am very honest with myself I realize I have ALWAYS had issues with my weight.  I keep saying to myself that it's just been the past few years.  I think that made me feel better.  It was as if saying that made it a little better.  I remember though being 12 and being the little fat girl.  I remember because I have pictures of me at a christmas recital and all the other little girls were normal and healthy.  I remember coming home and letting myself in and having an oatmeal cream pie.  Maybe I'd have a couple or maybe I'd have a swiss cake roll or two.  I'd hide them to eat them later.  (Those two things are still my two favorite junk foods.)  When I got older, I got busier and then there were boys.  When I was in the Air Force, I was paranoid about my weight because though I was 130+ that was right at the cut off for me being in the weight program.  I'm short, but 130 on me doesn't look bad.  I was also in an incredibly stressful school, so I controlled my eating by not eating or by purging and... well... you know.  So, this has always been an issue.  Why am I just now realizing it?!  I don't know, but I'm glad I did.

Last night I responded on Facebook to some post.  I can't remember how it started.  I responded with something one of my Teamdau mentors said.  I told her that lately I say this to myself. "Sam.  What will give you more peace?  Cheating and having that (fill in the blank) or following the program?  Will you be happy with the results?  Are you prepared to deal with the consequences?  How will you feel tomorrow when you step on the scale?  What if you gain?"  Yes, sometimes it's a very long conversation with myself when I'm looking at my daughters waffle fries from Chick Fil A (or however you spell it.)  In march I had that conversation when I decided to go out with a friend and have a couple of drinks.  Sometimes it's worth it.  It was totally worth it to go out with my friend.  If I had gained weight, I would have been ok with that.  So, I don't deny myself anymore!  I don't struggle with knowing I "can't" have something.  I can...If I want to deal with what may happen.  Most of the time I don't.  So, then I don't get upset.  Over time it's become easier and easier.  I don't have to ask myself those questions as much anymore.  In fact, most of the time it's meal time and I feel inconvenienced.  "Didn't I JUST eat?"  Eating is a chore now.  It's something I have to do because it's good for my body.  Now, the next two phases my brain will switch over and probably I'll struggle again.  Just like anything though, practice makes perfect.  This has been the best thing for me.  I am so glad that I stumbled on this program.  I'm so glad that in Feb. I googled 90lbs in 9 months.  I wasn't sure it was possible.  I'm still not sure I'll make the 90.  I don't care about that anymore.  Last cycle, I struggled with it.  The end of this cycle I will be anxious to start again.

If you are AT ALL wanting to lose weight.. a little or a lot, you should give this program a go.  You have nothing to lose but pounds!  Nothing!  It's an affordable program.  This program at a doctor's office can start at $700 for a 40 day cycle.  I did see some other lower prices, but they didn't look reputable.  There's a doc here in Fayetteville that does it.  I have been thinking about using him to be honest.  The thing is, what I'm doing now is working!  The support is amazing!  Why change?  So, take a look around.  Do some homework.  Look up Dr. Simeons Protocol.  Then, take a look at Tom and Vicki's site and their program.  They use a homeopathic Hcg program.  Most of you reading this blog know me in person.  If you are reading this and you don't know me, I just encourage you to do some homework.  Use Tom and Vicki's program.  They're legit and the support they give is just amazing.  I've heard someone say that someone they knew just gained it all back.  I truly believe that without a support system on this program and without proper preparation you will not succeed.  So, let us be your support. It's hard to get started.  Once you get started though, you'll feel motivated to continue.


With that!   My loss for today.... None :-(  LOL!  Just one of my weekly stalls.  For me this is normal.  Most people don't have to deal with this though.  So, +0.6 today.  I'm at 199.8.  No worries!  I'm still under 200.  I won't gain again tomorrow, so I'm not worried.  I may not lose, but that's ok too.  My week seems to go like this.  Lose over a pound or more, gain a tiny bit, stay the same, stay the same, stay the same.... Lose big again.  So, I'm not worried!  After all... Tomorrow is another day!

Cycle 2/ Phase 1/ Day 32

8 days more on the drops then I'm done with Phase 1!  I can't wait to see what it will be like by the end of this phase.  I'm hoping for 194.  We'll see about that.  I'm not sure what else I could do to make me more successful.  I've been working pretty hard.  I did finally lose more than a pound today.  The past few days have been super slow.  SUPER slow!  That was a super long and strange stall.  I would lose .2, .4 for a few days and not have a good loss after.  Even today's loss isn't that big considering the small amount and the no loss days I had.  Oh well!  I'm under 200!!!  That's a huge accomplishment.  I think it's been a while since I've been there.  I've lost 35.3 lbs total for both cycles and 20.3 on this one alone.  So, it's still a success and better than I have done before.  After this phase I'll be maintaining that weight until after July!  That's going to be my challenge.  I will be in Phase 3 for several weeks.  That means I'll be eating anything and everything I want, but have to maintain my weight +/- 2lbs.  So, I'm a little nervous about that part.  The good thing, is that even at Disney we'll be walking around a lot and I probably won't gain much if any.   Ok, well I have some pressing iTunes issues right now.

-1.6 today   199.2

Cycle 2/ Phase 1/ Day 30

I've got about 10 more days on the drops.  Hopefully, things will start to pick up a little.  I've had quite a long stall this time.  It seems like last time I'd have stalls then a nice big loss.  This time though, I'll have a stall and then a tiny loss.  So, I'm not sure what's going on.  I definitely won't be content if I don't get below 200.  I'm sure that will happen, but I'm just feeling impatient.  I'm also feeling impatient because of other things in my life.  Maybe tomorrow will be a huge loss day and I'll have been worked up for nothing.  So, the loss for today is -0.4.  That brings me to exactly 201.  My goal after being under 200, is to get to 150.  Hopefully I'll be there by November or December.  Right now my rate of loss is 0.6.  I guess that's not as bad as I thought.  So my average is over 0.5 which is the minimum per day that I should be losing.  So, at 0.6 per day for all of these cycles, which could be 4, I could maybe lose 87lbs!  That would put me right at 150 or less.  So, I'll try to have a little more patience.  That's a very hard thing for me!

Cycle 2/ Phase 1/ Day 29

Have I ever mentioned how much I really hate stalls?  I'm just wondering.  Today there was a little loss, but still not enough to make me happy.  0.4 loss.  That's it.  These stalls started right after I got to Augusta.  It seems so far into the phase to be happening, but I suppose it will all work out.  I think I'm just feeling super impatient right now.  I'm so close to being below 200.  I haven't been that way in ages.  I was just looking at videos of myself today from 3 years ago.  That was not very fun.  I can't wait for the day to come that I feel ok looking at myself.  Let me show you a before and a during real quick.  I don't remember if I posted this yet.

This is Cycle 1/ Phase 1/ Day 1

Cycle 2/ Phase 1/ Day 26

(I know the angle is a little off)

I can tell a difference now in looks anyway.  I also noticed that some of my clothes fit a little better.  I can't find the photo I really want to show, but here's a face shot with the same shirt.  A year apart.  I miss the tan, but I was in Hawaii for a few months last year this time.

                      

May 2010                         

May 2011

I don't know if you can tell a difference but I can.  Anyway.... It's working for me.  I've lost about 40lbs since my husband left.  33lb with this program alone.  So, I'm very excited!  I'm not going to get discouraged.  Every little bit helps!

Cycle 2/ Phase 1/ Day 28

Here we go again with the stalls.  They are the most aggravating things in the world to me.  It really messes with my head.  It seems to have started when I left, which I'm sure is just a coincidence but it makes me feel like that may be part of the reason.  I'm going to look into my physical activity.  I don't think I'm doing anything out of the ordinary like I was last week.  I'm drinking my water and eating how I should and taking my vitamins.  So, I suppose it's just a stall.  I still hate it.  I was really hoping that I would be below or right at 200 today.  I'm so close.  I really hope I meet my goal.  I think I feel this way each cycle about this time.  I remember thinking last time that I could probably lose weight just as fast or faster if I worked out like a crazy lady.  That's probably true, but I have to keep reminding myself that my goal is quality not quantity.  It's also about permanence instead of doing something that's going to require such high maintenance.  I like being physical and doing work, but I know that I'm never going to be able to keep up going to the gym.  I feel like whatever you do to lose the weight is what you'll have to do to keep it off.  Do you agree?  So, if you slave away in the gym to lose weight, then you'll always have to go to the gym just to keep it off.  Well, with this program we're resetting the hypothalamus, so when it's done it's done.  All I'll do, is make sure I'm only eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I'm full.  Nothing is off limits though!  I'll never have to feel guilty for eating anything ever again.  These are the things that get me through these stalls.  I don't like them, but at least they aren't as frequent as last time.  I'm also still going to go the full 40 days on the drops, no matter how many stalls.  Still at the rate I'm going I'll have lost a little over 25lbs this cycle alone!  So, I could be at 194 by the end of this phase.  I would definitely be pleased with that.  Of course I want it as low as possible, but I will take what I can get especially since this is the only thing that has worked for me.  Just think... only a couple of months ago I was considering bariatric surgery!  So glad I found Tom and Vicki!

One more thing about the heartburn

I haven't had any this cycle.  So, I guess it was a fluke.  I'm taking both the vitamins and probiotics still.  Glad that's over, because it was driving me nuts!

Cycle 2/ Phase 1/ Day 27

Today was a bit disappointing.  I've been doing well, and I can see now that I'm having the same stalls that happened last cycle.  I won't complain though.  If I do my average for weight loss beginning with this phase then it averages 0.65, which is the same as last time.  If I do it from when I actually started losing on day 6 (because of my 4 load days,) then my average is 0.84.  I want my average to be 0.8-1, but I can't just make my body do it.  I'm hoping that by thinking very positively things will change.  Haa!  Either way, I'm not discouraged like last cycle.  I can see the weight actually coming off.  This program really does work and everyday I see proof.  It's small things.  Some days I actually feel lighter.  Some days I feel like my shoes feel better because my heels don't hurt.  Last week I tried on several pairs of sandals and didn't feel like my feet looked like sausages.  I can look down at the numbers at the scale without sucking in.  My face is clearing up again.  It was starting to look pretty bumpy at the end of the last cycle.  I was eating crap again though.  That's a different post.  My joints don't hurt like they did.  The Biggest thing that I have noticed is that my leg doesn't hurt.  I never really told anyone about it.  When I was pregnant I would have pain down one side of my leg.  I thought it was because of a nerve or something.  It happened a lot more the heavier I got.  Well, I haven't felt it at all since I started losing.  AT ALL!  Well, I know what you're 'weighting' for!  LOL!

2/26- 234.5   4/21-219.5    5/16- 201.8


My first goal is 150.  I'd like to be there by the time Russ gets home.  My ultimate goal is 130.  I'll get there!