After everything I thought about yesterday, I didn't do as well as I wanted. I wasn't going to eat anything last night because I wasn't hungry. I had some sorbet that I made as a treat for myself, but after I had that I got "hungry" and then ate my left overs from lunch. I wasn't hungry. I really wasn't. I didn't "feel" hungry until after I ate my treat. Ugh! Fortunately I only gained 0.2, but jeez! I really need to get this under control. I am a little stressed lately. I'm not sure why, but I am.
Ok, so tonight was another failure for me. Argh!!! I don't know what my deal is. I think tomorrow I'm going to start the day with meditation and yoga. I also think I need to go grocery shopping. Part of my problem is that I'm scrounging around when I do get hungry. So, my goal for tomorrow is to get some groceries, cook meals that are on plan and do the modifications. I need to get back on Phase 1, but since I can't for a month or so, I'm going to have to get it together and make myself remember what I'm working for. I have some sort of emotional block going on I think. I need to do some self reflection and figure out what my problem is. I'm just venting today. I've been missing Russ so much lately. Not just missing him though, but feeling jealous and anger that he's gone. It started this weekend. Father's Day weekend and I should have been spending it with him. When I started thinking about it, I realized that we've never been able to spend it together. I told R that we would go out to dinner. I said, "looks like it's just you and me tonight!" Then... I realized that it's always "just you and me." I knew what I was in for when I got married and I still understand why we're doing what we're doing. I know that we're sacrificing now, for later. I'm just tired of it being "just you and me." I really am. I can handle the deployment. I can. I know it's temporary, but I'm just having a bad week I guess. So, all this is just to say that maybe I am a little more stressed than I thought. Meditation and yoga... That's what I'm doing tomorrow!
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