Feeling Full!

Not in the way that food makes you feel though.  I feel like my emotional tank has been filled.  Man!  I so needed tonight's skype meeting with the Dau's and the rest of the support group.  I've been feeling discouraged and wondering if I should continue after this cycle.  I'd been thinking that it was all about the numbers.  I have this goal and I really want to make it.  I know I could make the goal by eating well and exercising like crazy.  I'm not going to say that I won't be wishy washy and toy with that idea again.  I probably will.  Tonight though, I got some great suggestions for the issues I've been having.  So, I'm going to start tomorrow.  One suggestion was to eat my protein first thing with my vitamins.  That really appeals to me, because I'm a breakfast girl!  If I don't have it, my tummy is grumbly all day and I'm not very friendly.  Maybe that's why most of my posts have been cranky! 

The other suggestion was to stop Phase 1 at 23 days instead of 30.  I'll be able to start my new cycle earlier and hopefully the next cycle will be a little better.  I'll have to really make sure I load well this time.  I probably didn't load as well as I should have.  I may load 3 days instead of 2.  I'm not sure about that.  I"ll ask them again when the time comes.

The last thing we talked about is people with a history of eating disorders my have a harder time at first because the normal fat/abnormal fat ratio is so off.  Well, I haven't had issues in a couple of years, but the past 10-11 years I've struggled off and on.  10 years ago, I was hospitalized for anorexia and bulimia as well as depression and anxiety.  What a mix!  What a mess!  Now though, instead of controlling my intake of food, I am the exact opposite.  For some reason it seemed impossible to make healthy choices.  Even when I did it didn't seem to matter.  I still would struggle with my weight.  I'm happy to say though, that I'm not even tempted by food right now.  I may be hungry, but there aren't any cravings.  (Just to be clear to anyone that may be reading this and wondering about the program, I'm only hungry first thing in the morning and I could split my meal up, but I have been trying not to.)   I've been to one Tastefully Simple Party, a 31 Party and a Scentsy Party and I didn't cheat once even though there was amazing food there!  I'm not trying to brag because I know I've had other issues.  I'm just happy that's not one of them is all. 

So, I feel better.  My tank is full.  I needed to be there with the support group.  I should probably use my sponsor more, but I don't want to email and complain.  I hate being a complainer.  (Obviously it doesn't bother me too much to blog my complaints!)  Anyway... I'm ready for tomorrow come what may.  I hope what comes is a good drop because I'm due for it, but I know that if it doesn't I can stop this phase in a couple of days and start fresh in a few weeks.  Even if I don't reach my 90, (which I really hope I do) any amount of weight will be a huge improvement.  I will still be different from when my husband left.  I'll be healthier and happier I'm sure.