A New Life

There's an amazing song with the same title as this post.  I don't know if you're into musicals, but it's Jekyll & Hyde.  If I could add it to this play list I would, but for now you'll have to check it out on iTunes.  Anyway..  She sings about a new life, a new start, a new hope.  I have always loved this song.  I guess I have always felt that I would like a new start too.  If I could just have a do over, things would be different.  Lots of What if's.  Well, since that isn't possible I'll just have to start over now.  Change the things that I can starting now.  I'm certainly not old, but even if I was it would never be too late to make your life mean something more.

My huge hurdle right now is my weight.  I think it's something I have always dealt with.  Some of it has been just a product of listening to my mom talk about weight a lot.  I was told by a family member that she would pay me to lose weight.  That was immensely painful then, and I still am hurt by it.  I know she didn't mean to do that, but it still hurt.   I enlisted in the Air Force right after that and had more trouble with weight.  This time it wasn't gaining weight, but a fear of gaining weight.  I learned from my peers ways to lose weight quickly for weigh ins and had some major issues with eating disorders.  So, weight for me has never been fun.  Anyway...  the biggest trouble came after I got married and had a miscarriage, then eventually had a baby.  That's when it just got out of control.  From eating to feed my emotional pain to medication that made me gain huge amounts of weight, I just became miserable and hopeless.  I worked with trainers, and tried Weight Watchers.  (I'm not proud to say I'm a 3 time drop out.)  I've done Atkins, pills, and raw.  Recently I did the 6 Week Body Makeover and lost several pounds in the week I did it. (Yep, another drop out.)  I would love to blame my husband (the sweetest, most patient guy in the world) for enabling me, but that wouldn't be fair.

This brings us to today!  I'm starting another program.  I'm nervous that I won't have the strength or will power to continue the program.  I'm scared that I won't know what to do with myself when I have cravings and am bored.  I'm also scared that it just won't work for me.  This is it though.  My husband and I talked about my issues.  He's supportive no matter what, but while he's gone I need to do what I can to lose.  I figured if I could work on it by myself while he's gone and there's not as much temptation then we would know how to proceed when he comes home.  So, I have 9 months.  9 months to lose and get healthy.  All I've got to lose anymore is weight!  The program I'm doing is by TeamDau Wellness and I feel really good about it.  I love the support!  When I called to inquire about the program, the person that started it actually answered the phone!  I was so impressed.  He explained the science and I started reading the book they used to begin this program.  I'd heard of it before so it wasn't foreign to me.  I'm not trying to be vague, I'm just not ready to explain the specifics of the program to you.  You can go here  to check it out.  Anyway... after a skype support meeting last night, I realized I was ready!  I'm excited and scared, but I'm ready!  I have 9 months to lose 90, and I may not actually reach that specific goal, but if I can change my mind and start getting healthier it will all be worth it.

This is where I'm starting.  If you would like to support me, I'd certainly appreciate it.  This blog is mostly for me though.  Just a way for me to be accountable to myself.  I'm really embarrassed to see myself like this, but it helps to know what I need to work on.